IMBWA ZA PA UNZA
MULENGA MWANGELWA ON TUESDAY
UNZA dogs are mean. Their doggy style can confound any Republican President, even the methodical and meticulous Hakainde HICHILEMA.
Ishi imbwa shikali.
He had better handle them with care.
In Zambia, dogs are everywhere. Zambia is a dogs’ country. Explains why the Chinese are everywhere here, prosperous and happy. The Chinese love dogs.
You will find dogs at State House, dogs in people’s homes, dogs on the streets, dogs everywhere.
Zambia has really gone to the dogs. Dogs are in charge.
UNZA dogs or imbwa za pa
UNZA, belong to the family called Studentis dogus.
This is the family where you will find CBU dogs, UNILUS dogs, Evelyn Hone dogs, and so on and so forth, all of Zambia’s dogs in training.
This particular breed, the UNZA breed, a notorious and dominant one in Zambia, falls under the genus Unzus dogus.
It’s full scientific name is Studentis unzus dogus.
The species types of this particular dog include Monkus dogus, Momas dogus, Bungwis dogus, Mojus dogus
and Lumpenis dogus.
The species Monkus dogus
survives, almost always, on a shoe-string budget. It is this dog type that relies heavily on government support or subsidies for its survival and training. It wags its tail the most when meal allowances are disbursed.
This is the type of UNZA dog which is the moral conscience of the University of Zambia.
This dog focuses of studies, analyses, and has no or little time for leisure, play or mating.
Boasting of the most superior gene pool amongst all UNZA dogs, this dog is averse to sex whilst in training.
Whenever you hear that a demonstration or a protest has broken out at UNZA, that the dogs are angry and barking, that UNZA dogs are running amok, it is these dogs that initiate and execute such missions.
This kind of dog has the freedom to bark at any Republican President of Zambia. Its teeth sharp, barbed and poisonous, it also has the capacity to injuriously bite, and kill or maim the reign of any such leader.
It is a militant dog. Oftentimes, appearing rabid, this dog is perfectly healthy and sane.
The species Bungwis dogus is the senior and extreme version of Monkus dogus. Known for its extreme silence and focus, it is viewed as an oasis of wisdom at the University.
Though all dogs are canines and carnivorous, both these species types prefer to consume grass for their sustenance, focus, drive and health.
They are the grass species.
Lumpenis dogus is a species type that is found amidst the two above.
This species type is well known for its extreme freedom of speech. It is the barking dog.
Lumpenis dogus, often under the influence of psychoactive or mindaltering substances, often loudly and randomly barks, communicating deep philosophical and theoretical messages, some of them coded and revolutionary, in a language many other dogs on campus find disturbing and offensive.
These dogs, Lumpenis dogus, tend to be nocturnal.
Mojus dogus is a male species type known for the love of perfumes, fashion and women. These dogs are vain. They love themselves more than their country.
For its lack of focus on training, and its diversity of tastes in matters of the flesh, this is the kind of dog that does poorly at learning, and often fails in training at UNZA.
Commonly viewed as effeminate by Monkus dogus, it is not uncommon to find same-sex dog sex amongst this species type.
Momas dogus, is a general term for all the female dog species types at UNZA.
One outstanding feature of this type of dog is that it is always in heat.
It is commonly found at a kennel site called October
because it is always hot.
It is always looking for a partner with whom to mate. It mates for benefits. It mates for money.
It mates for accommodation.
It mates for marks.
It rarely mates for fun.
This dog species gives new meaning to social cash transfer.
By casting a spell on lecturers and UNZA management, these are the dogs that have corrupted the training system at UNZA.
Often practising an interspecies sexual act clearly illegal in Zambia called bestiality, Momas dogus mates with lecturers and other animal types with alarming frequency and ease.
Monkus dogus and Momas dogus do not get along. The two are antithetical.
Monkus dogus views
Momas dogus as a hindrance to focus, progress and success, as a symbol of societal decadence.
Momas dogus is the most sexually exploited dog species at UNZA.
It is an easy prey for sexual sports and fetishes by the affluent, more senior, hornier canines and other animal types from within and outside the campus.
All these are UNZA dogs.
Imbwa za pa UNZA.
Imbwa zeka zeka.
These dogs are a curious lot.
They are among the most well-trained and skilled dogs in Zambia.
But despite possessing the required knowledge and skills for their work, these dogs cannot hunt or work on their own.
These dogs are conditioned, like automatons, to obey and follow orders.
After training, it is not uncommon to find these dogs unemployed and roaming the streets looking for a master to tell them what to do, and subsequently feed them.
These dogs, it is very clear, that during training, the entrepreneurship, initiative and leadership apps are not installed in them.
For example, it is rare to find imbwa za pa UNZA in leadership or business circles.
These dogs thrive on being commanded, being told what to do, a veritably crippled lot by programming.
Though trained to mingle and work with all other dogs types, when set free, some of these UNZA dogs regress and begin to associate only with their ethnic kind.
It is not uncommon to find the graduated UNZA dogs being led by even somewhat
inferior and crooked animals like rats, hyenas and jackals.
Many UNZA dogs, instead of watching over Zambia, the purpose for which they were trained, have even left the country and are now securing the wealth of many foreign masters and their lands.
These dog are very strange indeed.
And when placed on guard within Zambia, instead of securing Zambia’s assets and wealth by keeping thieving foreigners away, these dogs allow these foreign bandits to enter Zambia with ease and rob the country, leaving their masters spooked and angry.
Just a morsel of meat or something is enough to put these dogs to sleep and lure them to betray their masters.
You will find such dogs in many of Zambia’s State houses.
When we say that Zambia has gone to the dogs, it is all because of this disappointing and bewildering behaviour of UNZA dogs.
Despite being highly trained, they account for a significant fraction of all unemployed, dependent, and malnourished dogs in Zambia.
Their behaviour today, one also replete with treachery and betrayal, is not what Dr Kenneth KAUNDA, one of the founders of that kennel which UNZA is, had envisaged.
These dogs have turned out to be a national let down.
True, instead of securing Zambia, these dogs are now letting in thieving aliens. The opposite is happening.
In partnership with these foreigners, they are now sneaking out Zambia’s own wealth to the detriment of the country.
Alas, in their multitudes, these are the dogs guarding and manning Zambia’s borders, assets and Stateowned enterprises today.
It is clear that, as planned in Zambia’s 2023 national budget, urgent curriculum reforms are required at this national kennel.
For now, the menace that these dogs are, continues.