ZAMBIA KIDNAPPED
Imagine the 20 million or so citizens all abducted at once. Yes, this is now the case in Zambia.
ZAMBIANS have been kidnapped. They are all now in Chalala, in captivity. Nabalala, balimutulo.
Every day, Zambians are again fighting for their freedom, to be set free.
Don’t ask the Zambia Police about this case, they don’t know. They might even be complicit.
Ask Fred M’membe, the president of the Socialist Party (SP), and Sean Tembo, the president of the Patriots for Economic Progress (PeP).
These two are the ones making the loudest redemption racket, having woken up, scaled the prison wall and escaped, they are now hitting the redeemers’ gate for help, with all the strength and force they can muster, with Zambia’s own Siavonga stone.
«We were so close,” as if high on something, beamed one of the senior police officers referring to their bungled handling of the case of the abducted girls.
CLOSE, FOR OVER SIX MONTHS?
Yes, the police are still close, every citizen knows that. They are one with the government, aren’t they? Maybe State House has even become the police now, who knows?
You see, it perhaps explains why it took over six months for the girls to free themselves, to find their own freedom again, and perhaps why this case isn’t going anywhere.
You see, it is the girls that rescued the police, and not the other way round.
By ending their own capture, the girls literally saved the police from the gross shame of ineptitude which was growing by the day.
Today, Zambia’s biggest scene of suspected crime, which should now be sealed off with the «DO NOT CROSS” yellow tape, is the IG’s office, Mr Lemmy Kajoba’s office.
This is the office that sees partisanship in TV-set thieves, identifies sophisticated burglars as either Catholics or Lenje, but does not see the evident party regalia of abductors.
It is the officers under the IG that when citizens report that a certain Mary Chirwa, a senior public service worker, has gone bananas, sit glued to their own video players, perhaps even drooling as they watch the allegation play out, with her giving a new meaning to «Office Practice” and desire enforcement.
This is the office that seriously considers GBM, a politician much given to free speech, as a key lead in cracking the «Gassing Case.”
And when GBM tells them “let me think about it,” as if this office had made a watershed discovery or solved the case by that interaction alone, then sees it fit to issue an official statement.
It is this office which infuriatingly now seems to have turned the words Patriotic Front and proceeds of crime into synonyms.
It is this office that, instead of arresting sodomites, chooses to arrest concerned and law-abiding citizens protesting against the buggers, the law-breaking Vaseline people.
You see, the abductors were making calls. Relatives of the abductees were even contacted for ransoms. Car plate numbers were recorded.
You don’t have to be Scotland Yard to see that these are
reliable leads which, in any competent investigative and forensic hands, would crack any such case
But still the police failed to crack the case, failed to set the girls free.
With all due respect, the police failed to catch us,” as if insane, daringly bragged one of the alleged abductors.
Having repeatedly warned and cautioned the IG’s office, the people of Zambia now want the actual arrest of the lack of professionalism and incompetence characteristic of this office effected.
Fire Lemmy Kajoba, they say.
ZICTA, you see, must have been too occupied, too busy looking for defamers who turn Republican President Hakainde Hichilema into a satanist by merely calling him one.
FORGIVE ZICTA
Reports reaching this desk indicate that the software of their IT equipment works particularly only to track citizens who defame the Republican President.
Funny truth is ZICTA’s equipment isn’t presently configured to catch other criminals such as those persons who gas or abduct others.
Explains why Situmbeko Musokotwane, Finance and National Planning Minister, zero-rated importation of IT equipment in the 2023 national budget.
This was done so ZICTA could import better IT equipment from the West to enable them to now catch kidnappers, and crack the now rampant but difficult cases of tribalism and corruption under
the UPND’s administration.
It has been noted that with cases of lying, tribalism and corruption occurring at such high and fast rates under the new dawn administration, the internet capacity of ZICTA is presently too slow to catch the perpetrators of these crimes. Therefore, the recently announced, by Bweengwa Times, satellite internet from Elon Musk will come in handy to solve all this, it is said
Giving an official statement on the matter, the Minister of Home Affairs and Internal Security, Jack Mwiimbu, said that if it wasn’t for the residents of Chalala, the police wouldn’t have found the girls. Really?
What does he mean? My six-year-old child asked me.
He means that the people should now take the place of the police, I answered. That the Zambia Police Service should be abolished for its redundancy.
He means that the people are more competent in securing themselves than the police. That’s what he means, my child.
All I got back from my child was a wry smile.
And as if it was legal to abduct a wife and detain her against her will, exasperatingly, the minister also said that it was difficult to establish motive in this case because of the relationships which the abductors had with the girls.
See? Closeness again standing in the way of justice.
It appears, in the interest of New Dawn justice, a new law was enacted, without our knowledge, which now allows injustices to be committed against our mistresses, spous
es and all those to whom we are close.
President Hichilema seems too shocked by this ordeal. It seems to have stunned him into utter silence.
Being a devout Seventh-Day Adventist and perhaps considering such acts as evil and abominable, he won’t say a word.
Word has it he thinks zero-rating safari cars and peat moss as well as lowering mining taxes is more important and a better deterrent of such crimes.
Besides, there is hot gossip and intractable speculation swirling around the country that all this could merely have been an on-going, and neverto-end post-election victory orgy for the Reds.
But Fred M’membe and Sean Tembo, gifted with rare and superior enlightenment, seem to know the reason for his silence.
The two claim that, being a puppet, the Republican President is waiting for his captors/ masters to tell him what to say.
Explains why the Republican President is at a loss for words, they claim. Puppets don’t speak by themselves, do they?
This is the reason why the two, having escaped Zambia’s kidnapping, are now busy hammering stones on citizens’ gates for help.
Huffing and puffing, they are calling upon God and the citizens to redeem the now captured Zambia.
They want Zambia’s Republican President removed, and hope that with this development, Zambia would also be liberated and its citizens might then, moving about in sovereignty, thrive and prosper.
The two firmly believe that, even when the police are complicit in abducting the people, the people always free themselves in the end.
They believe that the buck for national security ultimately stops with the people.
Zambia maybe kidnapped today, but the citizens will release themselves eventually, they are convinced.
The conviction of these two political leaders is founded on the sacrosanct truth that, any group of people, oppressed, segregated against or kidnapped, that fights for its freedom, for as long as it is not exterminated, regardless of how painful or long their struggle might be, eventually gains its freedom.
So forget handicapped or jaundiced ZICTA, dear citizen.
Certainly forget law enforcement officer Mary Chirwa and her DEC. This one is allegedly too occupied with her private cravings and the myriad novel uses of bananas in law enforcement and personal mental health.
However, soon to be released preliminary findings from the DEC research files night vindicate Mary Chirwa’s suspected illicit behaviour as they will show that a banana in the right hands can be as mind-blowing as cannabis.
These findings, it is rumoured, might trigger law reform, and soon, the illegal possession of bananas might become a crime.
Clearly, there is no protection or salvation for citizens in these public offices. Citizens now want them defended.
You see, when the law enforcement officers of any country are too occupied with personal house-keeping matters, not paying attention to the lower organs of their departments but their own, it is not uncommon for a country to become a Banana Republic.
But then the people themselves, by themselves, always come through. They set themselves free. They always do. Therein lies hope for all Zambians.
Lastly, totally forget the Zambia Police Service.
It is a Zambia Police Disservice. In its present state, it can’t even catch mice.
The IG Lemmy Kajoba is a very scared man.
Didn’t you see how fear turned his hand into a fan as he was being sworn in?
The man shook so much that everyone thought he was lame. Perhaps professionally so.
It turns out, somebody on that day had whispered to him that the Chalala abductors were coming.