My wife is pretty boring!

CHEATERS cheat and that’s it. Cheating is not about boredom or dissatisfaction; I really do not think there is any justification to cheating. I personally think it is a wishful fantasy that just sends someone on an insatiable mission. I can just leave it at that cheating is the result of a character flaw that allows a person to justify cheating and break vows or promises they would have made to their partners.

Affairs are not normal, healthy reactions to uncommon relationship struggles and the opposite is true, they are just unhealthy reactions to the trials and tribulations common to most relationships from time to time. There is no right or wrong way of cheating and in as much as we hate it, it happens. However, in most cases those that cheat hate being cheated on and they are often broken when they are served a taste of their own dish; I guess it is only human.

It is easy to break the rules or even change them if the result favours you but when it all turns around we are often knocked off the ground and I guess it is the same with cheating, when one is doing it they are selfish and do not think of the person they are hurting but when they in turn get cheated on they get heart broken and it hurts.

This week our topic is about a man who cheated on his wife and is dealing with a heartbreak from his cheating mistress.

I am not even going to pretend to be brave because I am actually totally broken and I give up, I do not want to feel like this anymore. I cannot even forgive myself for putting my wife through this pain even though she has never known about my affair. I know most people reading this will find this wrong and judge me harshly, but I really do not care and I am ready for the labels, all I need right now is to let this out.

I have been married for years now, well I got married really young at 21. Over the years my marriage has always been pretty solid, though we do not have any children and have no plans nor desire to have any. We have a lot going on in our lives and we both have troubled childhoods so children have never been an issue in our marriage — it is a subject we have never had much time for.

The one thing my marriage always lacked was passion, it has never really been there and I always feel all we do is out of duty and respect. My wife is a wonderful woman, but not very passionate, pretty boring actually and I can say she does not even really know how to have fun believe me; I have tried to bring some fun into our marriage but she is uptight and has a way of always killing my efforts.

A colleague and I began flirting a bit through email when I had to email her some work stuff and then it escalated and we exchanged numbers, we got along so well and never run out of things to say.

There was just an instant connection and our conversations were something to look forward to and before we knew it we were having an affair. We did not just jump into bed right away and I think that is what made it worse, the chemistry was too much and I knew it was not lust.

Then after some time it began with a kiss, then another and that led to other things but before all this we had spent three months together just chatting and getting to know each other. We waited for months before we actually got to the next level but when we did I can safely say it was the best I have ever had.

We were so in sync, we resonated so well and the passion in everything was just amazing. Well, our affair went on for a few months, it escalated and we were on drugs around each other, the spark was just too much and I could not hide it as everyone around me noticed I was in high spirits all the time.

We spoke everyday and we would spend the whole day conversing through email and we would see each other everyday at lunch time and talk on the phone all the way home. We actually began to have quite the relationship.

We continued seeing each other and of course emotions started to develop and the chemistry we had was undeniable and the passion was incredible. I mean I had never felt with anyone like I felt when I was with her.

After a while she started dropping hints and then finally confessed that she had fallen in love with me. I was already in love with her; I just did not want to admit it (to her or myself). She was all I could think about all the time and I actually began to dislike weekends with my wife as I would look forward to Mondays because that is when I would get to see her.

I could not wait to get to the office. She never once asked me to leave my wife for her but I was considering it because she made me complete and I was alive when I was with her but she was fine just having me part of the time so we kept it that way.

A year into our affair I got the feeling things were a little different. I cannot really explain it, but we were not communicating as much and she was becoming distant, I blamed myself and began to give her more weekends and constantly got into trouble at home but it was all worth it.

We kept seeing each other, and I really felt bad for her, because I knew she loved me but could not be with me all the time. I felt so guilty, I hated it when she would get sad thinking about us and what we would never be. Things were changing for me too but in a good way because I was falling more and more in love with her to the point where I would spend a weekend with my wife and I would feel guilty.

I wanted desperately to be with this woman. I think I can honestly say she is the love of my life.She was the first thing I would think of when I wake up, even before I would open my eyes and the last thing on my mind as I drifted off to sleep.

I would wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone in hope of having a message from her. I began to realise that I really did not want to be without her. I was madly and deeply in love.

Then she really became distant and would make excuses for not communicating and all of a sudden was okay with not spending the weekend with me. I knew something was wrong and I could feel it but I just did not want to admit it. I asked her countless times if she was seeing someone but she would deny it and look into my eyes and convince me I was the one for her.

I tried to see her more but she would have a very good excuse. One Saturday morning just before Valentine’s Day I managed to get some time to myself and was shopping around for gifts when I spotted her being ushered into a shop by some man.

I quickly followed them and started sizing the man and finally got courage to start a conversation. I am not one to make a scene so just to find out if they were an item I started our conversation by suggesting the shop had a lot of nice stuff and if she was considering buying her “Mrs” a Valentine’s gift and that led us to a conversation as she had conveniently gone to the changing room to try out an outfit.

Then I remember asking more questions and ending the conversation by asking if he would treat her to a getaway weekend just to get information and to which he answered “yeah, actually a weekend in Victoria Falls will be perfect”. My heart just sank and I was defeated and so I walked out and let them be.

I figured this man was the reason behind her dodgy calls and her lack of communication. I confronted her and she could not deny it. I was angry because I feel she ruined my life. I no longer really love my wife like I should and she ruined the relationship we had.

Even if I could forgive her for lying to me I could never trust her. She has done something that no one had ever done and that is she broke my heart. Actually she destroyed it! Now I sit here and wonder, was everything between us a lie? How long has she been playing me and why? Why did she keep me on that hook like that and why not just leave, let me go? I cannot understand it and I am so hurt, I feel like such a fool, an old fool! I guess it is what I deserve and the worst part is that I still do love her.

Getting through a breakup is as much a physical process as an emotional one. Remember that, and know that it will get easier. Keep going. You will get there someday and in the meantime continue to share your heartbreaking stories with us.