Cheating is one of the cruel truths of life
BEING cheated on hurts. Cheating is one of the cruel truths of life, it has happened to most of us at some point in time and it is very necessary in order to grow and learn how to deal with people and to know who to trust with your heart for a forever after vow.
When we first fall in love, we are very vulnerable, when we slowly go through these harsh realities that is when we learn to be stronger as individuals and to better deal with people and life’s tough events. I still do not know what hurts more between being cheated on or the actual act of finding out that your partner is cheating on you.
Finding out, of course, is most accurately described as an unexpected punch to the stomach which knocks you off your feet because in most cases you do not see the cheating coming and you are usually the last to find out. I think that for those who find out because they stumbled across the evidence, or found it after desperate times of terrified searching, the punch is strong enough to force the air entirely out of the lungs. Being cheated on is the hardest thing that one can ever move past and accept, but being cheated on with your sister, your own blood must be the worst feeling ever and I call it an unforgivable sin. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to have your own blood cheat on you and I do not think there is a possible way to move on with life.
I am not saying the partner is not to blame but I think that somehow, placing the blame where it truly belongs when cheated on is about as futile as feeling positively towards the “other.” At the end of the day, there is always something to find fault in within yourself, something which can be identified as the true culprit in the infidelity, instead of the beloved cheater. This week our column is on a woman who had her own flesh and blood in the form of a sister bed her husband, not once, not twice but till they conceived together. A bitter pill to swallow, an unbearable experience.
I was happily married for six years and we were blessed with two children. Nothing threatened my “perfect” marriage until years ago, I was shocked to discover that my husband was having sex with my young sister. I never suspected that the love of my life was being unfaithful to our vows and right under my nose and I thought I could trust my sister, I never thought for one moment she would try to steal my man. I took my sister in after she completed her O-levels and I had helped her out through her education. I loved her as she was my blood and when my trusted maid for years hinted that my sister was sleeping with my husband I refused to entertain the thought and quickly dismissed it. My job was very demanding and it involved a lot of travelling and I always left my sister in charge of my house and I never ever thought she could be so cunning.
One day I came back from a trip and I discovered a lot of things in my bedroom that did not add up and my sister had suddenly grown distant and stubborn. I could not get her to do anything, not even to get me a glass of water but she happily was at the service of my husband. A few days after my return I walked in on them having sex in our bedroom and I was floored. I cannot begin to recall all the events because the thought of it shatters my world, all I know is I was numb with shock. I did not have a clue what was going on behind my back and what hurt me the most is that my sister was unapologetic, till this day she has never asked for my forgiveness.
When I ran to my mother for help, she threw me out calling me an unfit, stingy and selfish daughter. She told me that I deserved what I got and there was nothing wrong with what my sister had done, I will not get into the finer details but it was a case of history repeating itself. I was so hurt and I did not know what to do as I felt her stabbing me and twisting the knife in my chest. The rest of my family kept out of it, they refused to get involved in what was happening between me, my sister and husband.
Looking back, I probably should have been more vigilant. My neighbours and maid had warned me about my sister but I ignored them. They complained that she dressed provocatively and accused her of nasty things but I always made excuses for her. I trusted my sister with money and my children, so why not my husband? I trusted her to the point that when she fell pregnant months after staying with us, I did not even ask her whom she had had sex with because I never thought my husband was responsible and I thought the elders would take care of that, little did I know she was carrying my very own husband’s child. It is one thing to be betrayed by your husband, but quite another to be betrayed by your sister.
It feels like a knife through your heart. I could have coped if my husband had run off with a woman I had never met, but not my sister. She must have known that she was ripping our family apart. I am her sister, she was my best friend, she is family and I thought it is only natural to look out for each other.
I do not know if my sister feels guilty about what she did, but I am sure she must know how much she hurt me because since the day I found her in my bedroom she has treated me like I was at fault.She never apologised, instead she was rude about it and even went on to make my husband pay damages to my family.
I feel like I am dying inside all over again, when all the drama happened she rubbed everything in my face and had my mother on her side and that was the worst betrayal ever. We were best friends, we shared everything, she knew my every feeling. That is why there can be no forgiveness.
I was hurt beyond words and I still feel so hurt, I have cried a lot but nothing seems to take the pain away, I feel so disgusted thinking of my husband having sex with my own sister and then coming to sleep with me.
Even if my husband has apologised telling me that he regrets what he did, and if there is a way he can undo what happened he can, I still feel pain in my heart. How do I forgive him and how do I forget the affair and especially now that there is a child involved? It has been years but the pain still feels so fresh.
Getting through a breakup is as much a physical process as an emotional one. Remember that, and know that it will get easier. Keep going. You will get there someday and in the meantime continue to share your heartbreaking stories with us.