Kucaca Phulu: The man who fires blanks

environment. Oh please, for such a man who can recite the criminal codification act as if it’s a nursery tongue twister, failing to recall, wait, it’s not recalling, he had no idea when Simba Makoni contested, his continuous confusion of whether those elections were in 2005 or 2008 distorted all the information. In chronology, if you miss dates, it ceases to be history, it becomes lies. There is nothing like wrong history; it’s a lie or you are an ignoramus masquerading as a fundi. At that moment I believed that if the second highest office of a party is this blank, what of the others, I mean the followers. As intelligent as Kucaca is, if he is so misinformed, what more of Mangoma. In such spaces, Mr “vice president” I advise that you ask your youth league to represent you. I am sure they know better about the politics of this country, they would not confuse voter registration age with age of consent like you did, we have always registered to vote at 18 not 16. Oh well, I understand why he kept on confusing those two, it’s an issue for another day.

Fanon says, each generation must, out of relative obscurity discover its mission, fulfil it, or betray it. Surely this generation has chosen the latest, betrayal. The amount of confusion in the opposition is betrayal like that of Dannganga the mad dog. I read this story long back about a mad dog, it would bark at flies, bite itself and meow like a cat when people came. Hilarious as it is, I found it fitting our opposition. I shall always refer to them as “our” you don’t forsaken your special kid just because they are “special” you need to show them some “love” and that they are wrong.

So our special kid-the opposition was represented by Both Morgan Tsvangirayi and Kucaca Phulu last week in Bulawayo. Well as I have said, Kucaca fired blanks, he had no idea of what he was talking about, but let me hasten to refer to what he said in relation to his former master- Morgan who is more of an overfed baby who needs his political diapers changed. There are two camps in the coalition debate, one is CODE due to sign its agreement and one is the “grand coalition” which I choose to call the Big Brother cast, well and then there is NERA made up of midgets, don’t mind those, they are purses. Big brother Zimbabwe: The rise of

ultimate failure Morgan Tsvangirayi recently declared in Bulawayo at a consultative meeting that he can only engage PDP and CODE if they approach him because he doesn’t approach briefcase parties. Phulu on Wednesday confidently said they are ready to accommodate the Big Brother cast (MDC-T, MDC and ZimPF) only if they approach them. At this point, Big Brother and CODE will never coalesce as long as the egos exist. Remember, Phulu reportedly wanted to be Mayor in Bulawayo in 2013 and the pendulum swung somewhere else and Tsvangirayi is to blame for that so there is no intersection whatsoever. Since Tsvangirayi wants to swallow the “briefcase” parties and wants them to crawl back to him, there is no hope for CODE and Big Brother marrying because the “small boys” think they are big and they want him to come to them. As of now and up to 2018, two things are possible, there will be more than 20 parties contesting or three coalitions against one formidable indomitable Zanu-PF, which means, Zanu-PF is winning by a landslide margin. One thing coalition zealots forget is the aftermath? In Senegal, Abdoulaye Wade supported by a section of the opposition parties as a coalition candidate polled only 30 percent of votes in the first round of the 2000 presidential elections against 41.3 percent garnered by the incumbent president Abdou Diouf. In the second round, Wade enlisted the support of the other key opposition leader, Moustapha Niasse. Once a coalition, however, Wade strengthened his Senegalese Democratic Party, making it an invincible monolith. Because the coalitions won’t win, post the elections, a lot of parties will lose their supporters to other parties and in this case, Big Brother Morgan intends to swallow the “briefcase supporters”. And again, Kucaca doesn’t see that-he fired another blank there. Unpacking the briefcase contents The sad truth to you opposition fellows who are reading this is that you have no structure and you don’t have structures in place to be politically viable. Tsvangirayi is not wrong to some extent, all of you are satchels with him as a suitcase and you disgust us, you make a mockery of the Zimbabwean electoral space. A party such as PDP was asked where people can get their membership cards and the vice president of the party admitted that they don’t have an office yet.

Micheal Mhlanga is a research and strategic communication specialist and is currently serving Leaders for Africa Network (LAN) as the Programmes and Public Liaison Officer.