My partner likes pornography

Please note that Sis Noe is not a medical doctor but an elderly woman who has almost seen it all. She is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and aunt to many people. Those that require medical attention please visit the nearest clinic or hospital. Sis Noe is flattered by your confidence in her. Bombard her with social issues/problems — she will be of much help to you. My partner was divorced when we got together but his ex-wife still makes our lives hell. For five years she has harassed us with phone calls and letters, usually demanding money. My partner often gives in, just to shut her up, but surely we don’t have to live like this? Reply You could seek legal means to keep this woman out of your lives, but that really should not be necessary. My guess is that she knows your partner still feels guilty, and that harassment will prey on his emotions and extract more cash — a win-win situation for an embittered ex. But this man’s loyalty should now be unambiguously to you. If he complied fully with the terms of the divorce settlement he needs to make it crystal-clear to his ex that she won’t get a penny more, and that if she persists in making a nuisance of herself, she will be on the wrong side of the law. Hi Sis Noe I am having trouble in my marriage. Everything seems out of place, we are paying debts for our wedding and the honeymoon. We are also struggling to build our house. Sometimes I wish we remained as boyfriend and girlfriend. Reply Welcome to the real world! A wedding can feel like an extended holiday from normality, and you have come back to earth with a bump. But you are not alone. Most of us grow up to realise we want the good things in life, and that we will have to work hard to pay for them. You and your new husband are in this together, so help each other meet the challenge of starting out, and you will soon find new things to look forward to. Hi Sis Noe My wife likes exercising and my problem is that she doesn’t spend time with me because of that. She has asked me to join her but I am not into gym stuff. We rarely have sex these days as well. Reply I’m going to be harsh here, but you are a man so I’m sure you can take it. Has it crossed your mind that the reason you are not having sex any more is not because your wife is at the gym, but because you have become an unattractive lump sprawled on the sofa? It sounds to me as if your wife is trying to tell you something and, if you continue to ignore her, she may well start talking to someone else. Gyms don’t just contain middle-aged chubsters making a fool of themselves in aerobics classes, they are also full of gorgeous healthy specimens of manhood. I hate exercise and going to the gym, but the consequences of not going are, for me, even worse. Being nagged may be annoying, but being dumped is devastating. Sweat a little, and then you can relax a lot. Be a man!

Hi Sis Noe

I have had bad luck in relationships but there is this ex-boyfriend who still loves me and wants me back. The problem is that he has a low libido. The lack of passion is not attractive to me but I still want him back. What must I do? — Worried. Reply To take him back or not to? That is the question. It seems to me that you have already made your decision and this ex is staying an ex. Just before you do start looking at all those other fish in the sea, let me ask a few questions. Have you ever actually told this man, who you really like and fancy, that you have a problem with his libido? If he is truly fabulous, maybe it would be worth seeing a specialist counsellor. On the other hand, there are few things more humiliating than having to talk someone into having sex with you. It’s very hard to keep the passion burning when you feel your partner is doing you a favour. Whoever you go out with, things will eventually end up with more of an emphasis on companionship than crazy nights in the bedroom, but I suppose you don’t want to face that reality immediately. Fair enough. Balancing a love life with a life of love is not easy for any couple and I’m sure many people reading your letter will be screaming at you to grab this man with both hands, but the point is that you are not ready. If you are not completely certain then leave this man’s heart alone. I just hope that by the time you are happy to settle for evenings of snuggles and hand-holding there is a hand out there to hold. Hi Sis Noe I strongly suspect my husband is looking at pornography on his computer but I don’t know how to approach him about it. He always makes sure that I don’t catch him. Help. Reply No man is especially proud of looking at porn but in terms of bad behaviour in a relationship I think we can all agree that it ranks fairly low. I understand that there are questions of morality when it comes to the production of these films but then you probably wear make-up that has been tested on animals. The modern world is a moral minefield and we must all tread carefully. There are some questions you must ask yourself. Is your husband paying you less sexual attention than you would like? If the answer is yes then you have a right to comment on his computer activities because you would rather he focus his attentions on you. If, as I suspect, the answer is no, then you may just have to accept that you have married a man with a sex drive considerably greater than yours. Deny him his online fun and I wonder where he might go next? A lot of women bestow on men an emotional depth that we don’t possess. This has nothing to do with you or your relationship. It is very basic. Part of his pleasure may lie in the fact that it’s secret. Try to forgive his weakness and see his inept attempts to hide his clandestine internet activities as somehow sweet. Hi Sis Noe I suspect that my child is not mine because people say he looks like my best friend. I want to know the truth. What can I do to find out whether he is mine or not? Reply Of course we all want to know the truth, but think long and hard before you take any action. What are you going to do with this truth? If he is your son, do you just go back to playing happy families even though you were quite prepared to believe your wife had betrayed you? It would appear you don’t hold the woman you married in very high regard. Should the results of a test confirm your worst fears, do you just walk away leaving your wife and this young boy who loves you? Lies may have consequences but so does the truth. If everything else is good in your marriage then I suggest you make every effort to put these doubts to the back of your mind again and get on with your lives. Even if there was no son involved in this situation, I suspect you would still be thinking that your wife was cheating on you. I think that the relationship you need to worry about is your marriage, not the one with your son. Be very careful. If people even find out what you suspect it won’t just cause a rift, it will destroy your marriage. I don’t envy you. Why don’t you tell your wife what people are saying and see how she reacts? It is soul-destroying going through life with doubts but in this case the truth comes at a price so high it may not be worth paying.