He looks de­pressed af­ter sex!

Sunday News (Zimbabwe) - - Relationships/health/news -

Please note that Sis Noe is not a med­i­cal doc­tor but an el­derly woman who has al­most seen it all. She is a mother, grand­mother, great-grand­mother and aunt to many peo­ple. Those that re­quire med­i­cal at­ten­tion please visit the near­est clinic or hospi­tal. Sis Noe is flat­tered by your con­fi­dence in her. Bom­bard her with so­cial is­sues/prob­lems — she will be of much help to you. MY boyfriend is very talkative be­fore sex and dur­ing sex he loves telling me sweet words, but af­ter sex he is very quiet. I am wor­ried that I don’t sat­isfy him but he says it’s not that. He says he is just like that. Re­ply Be­lieve it or not, it is com­mon for men and women to feel de­pressed af­ter sex, even if it was mind-blow­ing. So the next time you get it on and your part­ner turns away or doesn’t want to par­tic­i­pate in pil­low talk, he is not just be­ing an in­sen­si­tive jerk.

There is ac­tu­ally a real name for this con­di­tion. It is called post-coital tristesse (PCT). It comes from the Latin phrase post­coital and the French word tristesse, and it lit­er­ally means sad­ness. Many peo­ple who suf­fer from PCT will ex­pe­ri­ence strong feel­ings of sor­row, anx­i­ety, or un­easi­ness any­where from im­me­di­ately af­ter sex to up to two hours later. Why does this hap­pen? It in­volves the hor­mone pro­lactin.

Women have this hor­mone to make milk, but men have it, too. Your body cre­ates it af­ter an or­gasm to coun­ter­act the re­lease of dopamine, the hor­mone re­spon­si­ble for sex­ual arousal. So the pro­lactin is be­lieved to cause these feel­ings of melan­choly. Sex is all about con­nect­ing with some­one, and while the dopamine surg­ing through your body makes you feel great while you are hav­ing sex, af­ter­wards, re­al­ity might sink in.

You may feel scared or ner­vous about com­mit­ment, so you may want to be alone, or get some emo­tional (and even phys­i­cal) dis­tance from the per­son you were just with. Sex also makes us say things in the heat of the mo­ment, so while your loins made you say “I love you and want to have your chil­dren,” later on that may not seem like such a good idea. Give your man a break. Hi Sis Noe MY vagina makes fart­ing sounds when I am hav­ing sex with my boyfriend. What is the cause of that? It stresses me a lot. — Help. Re­ply You def­i­nitely have noth­ing to worry or be em­bar­rassed about. This gassy sound, some­times re­ferred to as queef­ing, is merely air es­cap­ing from your vagina, and it is quite com­mon. Dur­ing sex, the in-and-out ac­tion of your guy’s pe­nis forces air into you that fills the space in the in­ner part of your vagina that has ex­panded dur­ing arousal. An es­pe­cially deep thrust or shift in your body po­si­tion can cause the air to be re­leased in a noisy emis­sion. Or it might oc­cur af­ter or­gasm, when the air is ex­pelled as the vagina re­turns to its prearoused state. If you have not had sex be­fore, or not had sex for a while, you may no­tice your vagina can be par­tic­u­larly windy — which can feel awk­ward if you are with some­one you don’t know sex­u­ally. Swap­ping for oral sex or other, non-pen­e­tra­tive, plea­sures could also work. It’s worth re­mem­ber­ing while some peo­ple are shocked by farts, oth­ers are turned on by them, while most re­alise through ex­pe­ri­ence this is just one of those sex things.

You may pre­fer just to keep do­ing what­ever feels good for you sex­u­ally, with the un­der­stand­ing some­times that it will also lead to queef­ing. Vagi­nal wind could also be re­lated to pelvic floor prob­lems, caused by child­birth among other things. You can at­tempt to pre­vent the air from get­ting in­side you by hav­ing your guy make small, shal­low strokes. Or, you can try to stick to po­si­tions that don’t lift your pelvis too much, since pelvis-el­e­vat­ing po­si­tions, such as dog­gi­estyle, can in­crease queef­ing. But, to tell you the truth, the best advice is to just laugh it off. Why would you want to com­pro­mise your sex­ual plea­sure be­cause of a lit­tle fart­ing?

I am try­ing to have a baby with my hus­band; the prob­lem is that the se­men does not stay in­side my vagina. It comes out af­ter sex. Is there some­thing wrong with me? — Wor­ried. Re­ply This is very nor­mal, but you ob­vi­ously need to know why. I will get a lit­tle graphic, so bear with me. Ejac­u­late (se­men) is made up of a lot of dif­fer­ent things. One of its com­po­nents is sperm. In a nor­mal male ejac­u­late, there are any­where be­tween 20 and 400 mil­lion sperms. All you need to get preg­nant is one. What nor­mally hap­pens af­ter sex­ual in­ter­course is that a lot of the ejac­u­late does leak out.

Some of it, how­ever, re­mains in the back of the vagina (in the pos­te­rior fornix) and an even smaller amount makes its way up through the cervix, into the uterus and down the fal­lop­ian tubes. It is here, in the fal­lop­ian tubes, that the sperm and egg meet. So, the bot­tom line is that you don’t need to lie in bed with your legs up af­ter in­ter­course to get preg­nant and the fact that se­men is leak­ing out af­ter­wards, doesn’t de­crease your chances of con­ceiv­ing. Just en­joy the sex. You can still cer­tainly be­come preg­nant, even if it feels like ev­ery­thing is com­ing out af­ter­wards.

This is be­cause the strong­est and fastest sperm would have stayed be­hind, as they will be well on their way to fer­tilise the egg by the time you stand up or go to the bath­room af­ter hav­ing sex. Do not be dis­heart­ened; keep in mind that you only need one very strong and quick sperm to fer­tilise your egg. This means that even if most of the sperm does leak out of you, there are still hun­dreds, if not thou­sands, of sperm still swim­ming around in­side you. Hi Sis Noe My boyfriend loses his erec­tion most times when we are hav­ing sex. He says he loves me and I turn him on, but I don’t be­lieve him be­cause we hardly have sex. — Wor­ried and con­fused. Re­ply It is dif­fi­cult not to take an is­sue like this per­son­ally. We equate erec­tion with sex­ual at­trac­tion and, there­fore, as­sume that the re­verse is also true. If a man can’t get an erec­tion, on a subconscious level we worry that we aren’t sexy enough, but erec­tile fail­ure is hardly ever caused by lack of phys­i­cal at­trac­tion. The in­grained ex­pec­ta­tion that males com­mu­ni­cate their de­sire through their erec­tions can make women feel un­nec­es­sar­ily inse­cure, but it puts a lot of sex­ual pres­sure on men too.

This prob­lem is of­ten com­pounded by the fact that a woman’s de­sire to be de­sired means she will ex­pect her man to per­form with­out pro­vid­ing any di­rect stim­u­la­tion. Any woman who wants a man to sus­tain his erec­tion must be will­ing to coax it into ex­is­tence with phys­i­cal con­tact. Like­wise, when a man loses his erec­tion dur­ing sex, man­ual or oral stim­u­la­tion is much more ef­fec­tive in restor­ing it than in­ter­ro­ga­tion or hu­mil­i­a­tion.

The worst thing you can do is be­come wound up. Harp­ing on about the prob­lem can lead to a sit­u­a­tion where your man’s fear of los­ing his erec­tion en­sures that he will. Al­though I am fairly sure that your boyfriend’s prob­lem is com­mon per­for­mance anx­i­ety, con­tin­ual erec­tile fail­ure in a young man can in­di­cate un­der­ly­ing health prob­lems such as di­a­betes, hy­per­ten­sion, heart disease or vas­cu­lar disease. Tak­ing drugs, drink­ing too much, work­ing too hard or us­ing pre­scrip­tion med­i­ca­tions such as anti-de­pres­sants can also play havoc with the abil­ity to main­tain an erec­tion.

How­ever, if your boyfriend ex­pe­ri­ences spon­ta­neous noc­tur­nal or morn­ing erec­tions then the prob­lem is al­most cer­tainly psy­cho­log­i­cal. I am pretty sure that the sit­u­a­tion will re­solve on its own ac­cord once he be­gins to feel more con­fi­dent, but if his fail­ure to achieve a re­li­able erec­tion con­tin­ues to in­ter­fere with your ca­pac­ity to en­joy sex, it would be worth ex­plor­ing vi­a­gra and sex ther­apy.

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