Mar­ried but avail­able: Wrong turn!

Sunday News (Zimbabwe) - - Relationships/health/news -

MAR­RIED but avail­able! When you hear some­one ut­ter these words you def­i­nitely know he or she is up to no good. How can you be avail­able when you vowed and tied the knot be­fore a num­ber of peo­ple pre­tend­ing that you had made your fi­nal choice?

No mat­ter the prob­lems you are hav­ing in a re­la­tion­ship, choos­ing Mar­ried but avail­able (MBA) as a sta­tus is a wrong turn. With such a choice, you are likely to find your­self heart­bro­ken or if for­tu­nate, you will sur­vive but dis­ap­point your part­ner if ever he or she dis­cov­ers about the il­licit af­fair. Sadly for some, these is­sues of hav­ing ex­tra mar­i­tal af­fairs end in a nasty way.

To be­gin with, the minute you start say­ing that you are an MBA, know you are sac­ri­fic­ing your hap­pi­ness and free­dom. You are bound to be­lieve that be­cause there are some things amiss in your re­la­tion­ship, maybe when you get a boyfriend or girl­friend (painkiller) all will be­come com­plete in your re­la­tion­ship. Do not fool your­self, in fact it will be more stren­u­ous than you have ever imag­ined.

On a se­ri­ous note, when you are mar­ried how can you be avail­able?

The state­ment says it all that you are al­ready com­mit­ted to some­one and who­ever agrees to such a setup has got prob­lems. In or­der to ful­fil in­ti­macy of mar­i­tal act; pu­rity, de­cency and most of all fidelity is highly needed.

If you get emo­tion­ally at­tached to an MBA, chances are that the cheat­ing part­ner you are dat­ing never in­tends on di­vorc­ing his or her spouse, but is just look­ing for a good time. She or he will waste your time as in most cases we have seen peo­ple who at the end of it all feel as if they were taken ad­van­tage of and used as the other party would have been so jeal­ous and banned them from hav­ing part­ners. The day you want to part ways, you then come to terms with re­al­ity, but it will be too late.

If you are in­ter­ested in dat­ing some­one who is mar­ried then know you are invit­ing trou­ble for your­self. In most cases, he or she will never trust you as well be­cause you ca­pa­ble of any­thing. If you are cheat­ing on your spouse, what will stop you from cheat­ing on him or her as well. You find that there are lot of inse­cu­rity is­sues and ev­ery time you have to put ex­tra ef­fort to con­vince that per­son your loy­alty and love.

These kinds of re­la­tion­ships have to be kept a se­cret so that you never get caught and there­fore all the time you have to meet far from home. Gen­er­ally it is very dis­turb­ing to be al­ways alert when with some­one you ‘‘love’’. You can try and hide it for a short time, but as you get madly in love, one way or the other it be­comes dif­fi­cult to hide it and that is when the se­cret comes out re­sult­ing in fights.

Af­fairs with mar­ried peo­ple may as well end up be­ing dan­ger­ous. If the spouse dis­cov­ers, they may stalk you and threaten you. Some­times they can even be dan­ger­ous in what are called “mur­ders of pas­sion”.

You will have to deal with the thought of shar­ing him with some­one else. These thoughts can be nerve wreck­ing. Just imag­in­ing him leav­ing you for the night and hav­ing din­ner and sleep­ing with his wife or hus­band can cause unimag­in­able heartaches. As hu­mans in our cul­ture, we can share food, clothes but we can­not share a man/woman with­out feel­ing ter­ri­ble about it.

Peo­ple al­ways come with dif­fer­ent ex­cuses on why they cheat and say that they are mar­ried but avail­able. Some­times it may be due to an abu­sive re­la­tion­ship or one that started when they were too young. Other times maybe the spouse has been ill for a long time with no chance of re­cov­ery. Some­times there will be no real rea­son why the per­son has de­cided to step out on their part­ner. It is bet­ter to part ways with that per­son at once than cheat­ing on them.

The day your part­ner will dis­cover your es­capades, he or she will be heart­bro­ken and re­mem­ber pain changes peo­ple. You may be for­given, but it will have some con­se­quences in the re­la­tion­ship. It re­ally hurts to know that you have been re­placed and it takes time to trust such a per­son, that’s if it ever hap­pens. It’s bet­ter to fix your mar­i­tal is­sues than to make your­self avail­able while still mar­ried.

Re­mem­ber that noth­ing hurts more than be­ing ig­nored in a re­la­tion­ship. The day you dis­cover that your part­ner has some­one else in his/her life, it just com­pli­cates ev­ery­thing. Just the thought of shar­ing your bet­ter half “kills” the mar­riage.

You are bound to be ig­nored at home and that will haunt you and you be­gin to live in fear as you will be won­der­ing what he or she is plan­ning.

Re­mem­ber that no re­la­tion­ship is per­fect, but love for each other is all that mat­ters. Even when you are tired of all the drama in your re­la­tion­ship, get­ting hurt and be­ing lied to, hav­ing an ex­tra mar­i­tal re­la­tion­ship is not ac­cept­able. Get real, never say you feel good when in pain be­cause you will al­ways want to cover up. Solve your own is­sues and never think hav­ing some­one else will solve your prob­lems, Af­ter all the fun with your girl­friend or boyfriend you will al­ways come back home and things will get even worse as you will be con­cen­trat­ing on the other re­la­tion­ship.

Sis­ters, the minute a man states to you that he is an MBA, just tell him off and make it clear you are not his SEX TOY.

Love does not hurt, any­thing that hurts you is not love, no mat­ter how per­fect it may seem, there is no such thing as a flower that blooms beau­ti­fully con­sis­tently, with­out loy­alty, with­out at­ten­tion, with­out wa­ter, with­out real love.

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