Amid a flurry of jokes, Kamambo finally finds himself

FELTON KAMAMBO turned into a social media box office hit on Wednesday — trending on those vicious cyberspaces where a video, in which he made a hilarious gaffe, suggesting there were continents in Zimbabwe, was being feasted upon.

In an unforgiving digital age, where negativity usually clouds positivity, the Zifa president, certainly not the most eloquent man to take charge of domestic football, was transformed into an effigy of impromptu comic parties where they took turns to pound him.

“The coach we settled for is a very experienced coach, 20 years of coaching experience, UEFA Pro Licence and a CAF Licence.’’ Kamambo said.

‘‘He has coached in most of the continents in Zimbabwe.’’ There was a brief pause, as the gathered media — possibly paralysed by a combination of both shock and amusement from what they had just heard — digested it and prepared a response.

Then, a bout of laughter exploded from the floor and, realising his huge mistake, Kamambo also joined them in laughing, easing the tension, before the Zifa boss corrected himself.

“Not Zimbabwe, most of the continents in the world.’’

In today’s digital world, where images fly around the world in an instant, whether via Facebook Live or whatever, it’s that one mistake an unforgiving constituency will be waiting for to pounce upon someone they don’t believe in.

This was Kamambo’s Goodenough ‘‘Five Skippers’’ Sithole’s moment, the Orlando Pirates fan who shot to fame, after his hilarious live television interview on SuperSport in July 2011.

‘‘You, you, you, my your, that’s why, you, you, must, you must like it for the Pirates,’’ Sithole told his interviewer after being asked why he always came to the stadiums dressed like a woman.

‘‘I’m very tired for the, always these people, you think, like a people you must show me, what is happening for the, for the Pirates. Pirates is not a one, one, one, one skipper for the, you must know, you show for the five people, five skippers must is not, must always, must put you one short.’’

And, in an instant, the phrase, ‘‘I like it for the Pirates,’’ exploded across South African football.

You can’t fault those who chose to tear Kamambo to pieces, arguing his presentation in announcing the new Warriors coach, was illustrative of his lack of leadership acumen.

In an era where the national game has stumbled from one major crisis, to the other under his watch, and the stability he promised and prosperity he preached, have been in short supply, he will always attract his fair share of severe critics.

There is even a constituency, led by blogger Hope Chizuzu, which argues he is not the one in charge. And, since his coronation as the latest man to have the misfortune of taking over the poisoned chalice that comes with leading domestic football, he has been captured by some shadowy figures who call the shots.

That is yet to be proved.

And, it’s something Kamambo has routinely dismissed with a smile, and that inevitable burst of laughter, like the one which followed his monumental mistake on Wednesday, arguing he has absolute control of his constituency.

That is why, in the aftermath of Wednesday’s media conference, where the concentration has been on the gaffe Kamambo made, a very important, if not refreshing but certainly welcome statement he made, appears to have been lost in the mist of the jokes and the comedians.

“The board has unanimously resolved to lift bans imposed on Honourable Dr Philip Chiyangwa and Honourable Omega Sibanda,” Kamambo said.

“We don’t want to concentrate on these issues. We want to concentrate on football matters. I am the Zifa president and I stated it in my manifesto, when I was angling for the position that I needed to unite everyone, for the sake of football.

“So, I am just following up on that and, this year, football should do the talking. We are the big brothers of football in Zimbabwe and he (Chiyangwa) is the big brother of football in Cosafa.’’

After weeks of boardroom strife, accusations and counter accusations, embarrassing headlines and absolute chaos, Kamambo and his Zifa board, in just an instant, decided to take a different direction where their energies will be concentrated on their mandate to lead domestic football.

The Zifa boss, in just an instant, decided to free himself from the clutches of those who have been oiling the boardroom war machine and, refreshingly, chose to move the direction where emphasis should be on delivering a dividend for the national game.

And, in doing so, he left the later-day Joseph Goebbels and Comical Alis, who have been preaching hate, in a game which has been crying out for peace, spreading viruses in a sport desperately in need of healing, on an abandoned doomed island.

The same hawks who probably told him it was normal for the Young Mighty Warriors to lose 0-7 to Botswana in a World Cup qualifier and also told him there was nothing unusual with not even one person, associated with football, being considered for a gong at the Annual National Sports Awards.

Kamambo showed he could be his man and freed himself from the shackles, which had chained to the outpost of fantasy and madness, in a year in which he can’t keep hiding behind an alibi that he is still easing into his role as domestic football leader.

He decided it was time to write his narrative, and not the one the Comical Alis were writing for him, telling him everything was okay when his empire was crumbling and all that he needed was to keep intensifying the boardroom battles.

And, crucially, he made the first move to create a domestic football landscape of hope.

His board’s choice, for the Warriors job, a Croatian with a name Kamambo barely could pronounce, and a CV that doesn’t instill the kind of assurance the fans wanted to take the team forward, was as controversial as the coach’s colourful past.

But, it was always going to be that way, once those tasked with recommending the coach whittled it down to four names without a traceable record of real success stories on the continent.

Once fan favourite, Milutin ‘‘Micho’’ Sredojevic, proved beyond the financial capacity of Zifa, and was lured to Zambia on a US$25 000 monthly salary, the search degenerated into one for the best of the rest.

But, even the best coaches, like Frenchman Herve Renard, winner of two AFCON titles with Zambia and Morocco, can only thrive on a landscape that allows them to work their magic. Take them into a landscape infested by landmines, like what had been happening in domestic football in the past month, even a genius like Renard would fail.

That’s why Kamambo’s call for unity and a fresh start which, sadly, was lost in the mist of the jokes about his mistake related to “many continents in Zimbabwe,’’ was a monumental step in the journey towards normalcy which the new Warriors coach needs to make a difference.