Bereaving in the middle of a pandemic
DEATH in an African family is often met with emotions. Every culture has its own ways and customs of mourning the dead.
Whether it is singing, dancing, or just embracing with loved ones and commiserating with the bereaved family — all these activities share a common thread — social connection.
However, in this era of Covid-19, emphasis on social or physical distancing has driven a wedge on those moments of connection that for long had been perceived as signs of grief and pain.
People now have to cope with sorrow alone, socially-isolated, huddled in a corner, where they do not get the physical contact they may want from friends, family and loved ones during these difficult moments.
On the other hand, friends and family who would have come for the funeral, find themselves winging from a distance as they calculate the risk of getting infected with coronavirus at the same time feeling guilty for their seemingly lack of sympathy and connection on the loss.
In the last two weeks, I have attended two funerals; one of a colleague’s mother and my brother Farai Valentine Chinhema, where both my conscience and pain were stretched to the limit, as I tried to leverage the loss, hurt and the reality of saying goodbye to the loved ones in the age of physical distancing.
From the time Zimbabwe recorded it’s first case on March 1, presumably dealt with the coronavirus narrative at a superficial level, where my preoccupation was ensuring safety for both my colleagues at work and family at home, while keeping safe from infection right across.
In my wisdom or lack of it, I had ruled out any possible social gathering of any sort until the lockdown restriction that President Mnangagwa called for had been lifted.
However, the loss of two beloved ones removed me from the “social comfort”, I had created for myself as I had to go and pay my condolences, according to our customs.
Having initially paid my condolences through the phone, it appeared as if technology was an imperfect substitute for an in-person embrace, which never sufficed anyway.
The coronavirus has undoubtedly changed the way that people now live across the globe.
It has also changed the way people now spend their last moments, how they die and sadly how they are being mourned and buried, although they never tested positive for coronavirus.
In addition to loss, fear and uncertainty, the effects of coronavirus are now forcing people to process both individual and collective grief alone in the face of uncertain future that multitudes of people find themselves in.
When my colleagues and I travelled to Kotwa, in Mutoko to pay our last condolences to a colleague who lost his mother last week, it was easy to tell that some mourners were really frustrated, looked really disempowered and helpless as they sought to express remorse over the loss, while maintaining social distance.
As the funeral proceedings continued, the loss was immeasurable.
Not only were people mourning the loss of the departed soul, they were also mourning the loss of normalcy.
The mourners were expressing their frustrations of dealing with the collective loss of the world they knew before Covid-19.
In this semi-urban set up, locals openly showed their distrust and fear for urbanites, and were standing in
On the other hand, friends and family who would have come for the funeral, find themselves winging from a distance as they calculate the risk of getting infected with coronavirus at the same time feeling guilty for their seemingly lack of sympathy and connection on the loss
small cohorts, though squashed, deriving comfort from the fact that they had been together before coronavirus and had no worrying travel history to speak about.
Notwithstanding the dearth of physical connectedness during funerals, social distancing remains one of the key strategies to curb the pandemic in addition to staying at home.
Traditionally at funerals, people hug and hold each other as part of comforting each other, they cry and cough next to each other, pass a spade and shovel around a group of people.
In South Africa, funerals have been identified as an area of concern amid the Covid-19 pandemic in that country whose figures have shot to 3 465 as of Wednesday, with 58 recorded deaths, as the globe battles to contain the virus, which was first discovered in Wuhan in December 2019.
South African health minister Zweli Mkhize last week expressed his worry over funeral gatherings, saying people attending funerals were at risk of contracting Covid-19 because of cultural behaviours or rituals usually performed at funerals.
Zimbabwe, which now has 28 confirmed cases of Covid-19, has since extended its lockdown to May 3, to ensure that the virus does not continue to spread further as it employs a litany of preventative measures.
One of its key measures is banning social gatherings of more than 50 people, including funerals and church gatherings to further stop the spread of the virus.