Women must shun ‘queen bee syndrome’
IT IS supposed to be natural that laddies support each other in this male dominated world, after all everything which is good hearted is called motherly.
Female leaders are role models and mentors to other women and girls.
But the opposite is proving to be true for women who live in the diaspora.
Instead of acting as mentors, successful female bosses in the United Kingdom are busy “pulling up the ladder behind them” because they perceive other women as a threat.
This idea of women pulling other women down has been defined by the British Broadcasting Corporation as “the queen bee syndrome”.
First defined by psychologists at the University of Michigan in 1973, the queen bee syndrome describes a woman in a position of authority in a male-dominated environment who treats subordinates more critically if they are female.
Prof Dame Sally Davies, England’s first female chief medical officer, used the term in 2014 when describing her own experiences in the health sector.
“I saw it particularly in medicine - queen bees preening and enjoying being the only woman,” she said.
Margaret Thatcher, the UK’s first female Prime Minister, has been described as a queen bee for not promoting or furthering the careers of women in her cabinet.
In recent decades, there has been substantial increase in the number of women in work. But when it comes to rising to the top, women remain under-represented at board level. It is only men who actually further the fight to make women gain influential positions.
American Professor Benenson said women are not used to forming tight samesex groups in the way that men do.
This goes back to a time, she says, when females had to compete for mates and for resources for their children.
Prof Benenson acknowledges that her research has been controversial.
When asked about the reaction from the academic community, she says: “Completely negative. It’s hard for me, but I try to be objective. I would like women to do better.”
Many women have self-destructive mentality, if they do anything good they say: “I have fought like a man.” They rarely say: “I have fought a good fight”.
They cope with gender bias by demonstrating they are different from other women.
Some women use phrases such as: “I’m not like the other women, I’m much more ambitious.”
This is called “self-group distancing” - a response that is also found among other groups that are under-represented at work - and argues queen bee syndrome is a product of gender stereotyping.
Zimbabwean women in the UK have been a let down to fellow women compatriots, and this is the reality of the matter.
It is really baffling why successful Zimbabwean women here are not ready to help their counterparts.
There is enough room for all the women, but it seems the successful ones do not want to share in the success.
One would think that being in a foreign land would make the women bond together, creating strength in numbers.
Lauretta Nyangani of Northampton recounted how she was interviewed by a Zimbabwean lady who was a manageress at a care home.
“I was excited, I felt my prayers had been answered. A Zimbabwean woman would surely understand my plight. How wrong I was!”
Nyangani did not get the job, she was told Zimbabweans were liars and could not be trusted, all by a fellow Zimbabwean.
Monalisa Basket, a nurse from London said: “I believe women are pulling their female counterparts down because, like males, they have been conditioned to believe women should not be successful.
“It’s not only successful women who pull down their female colleagues, unsuccessful women do it too. You can spend a good 30 years trying to remember the last time you heard a woman admire a fellow woman without pointing out a single flaw or belittling their achievement,” said Mama Nancy of Luton.
Maybe the problem is that some Zimbabwean women still live in the shadow of their men.
“I see status updates on social media like ‘God bless my man’s hustle so I can bath in the fragrance of his success’,” said Pastor Mushonga of the African Church.
“Such thoughts suggest that some women still want to be in the shadows of men; they believe that’s their destiny, their role in life, hence it comes as a shock when they see another woman challenging the status quo.
“Women hardly appreciate another woman’s success; they have erroneous beliefs when it comes to the success of their fellow sisters. They believe a successful woman either slept with some powerful man or she knew some people who pushed her to the top, or she used some funny tactics that should not be mentioned.”
These are the stories women spread about one another in a bid to destroy the reputation of a fellow woman they believe is challenging society’s status quo.
Some women twist stories and tell lies, while others insult other women for being strong in the face of a broken relationship or marriage.
Some women simply feel they alone must be the best and compete even with those not in competition with them.
Failure to win the competition means the gloves come off and the other woman had better be ready for a showdown.
“It is disheartening that even in our fight for equality, we are our own biggest enemies,” said Valerie from London. “Some women are the biggest traitors to their own empowerment, because they often side with the opposition simply to bring down any woman they believe is a threat to them.
“They are so wrapped up in the model society has designed for them that they sometimes involuntarily fight against their own movement.
“Jealousy is a constant cloud that hangs over many Zimbabwean women in the diaspora and the need to be better than their friends and colleagues remains the root of their insecurity.”
The logical and sensible thing for Zimbabwean women abroad is to come together and co-operate if they are to thrive.
It is a shame that where they must advance and better their fortune they are failing simply because they cannot work together.
Mildred Mavhima recounted her experience of being a woman interviewee before a women only panel.
“I sat anxiously before a panel of three. I went through my CV and the panel confirmed that my qualifications were superb. I really started feeling that I was going to get the job. My joy was quadrupled when the chair started addressing me,” she said.
“From her accent, I was sure she was a Zimbabwean. I wanted to sing with joy. She asked me a number of questions which I answered very well. Before I left she said ‘Do not be excited I am not convinced you are the candidate we need here”’.
“The other two interviewees could not hide their disbelief. I was told I will hear from them. After a few weeks, I received a regret, my application was not successful. I then called the company to give me a feedback. I was told that the chairperson, the Zimbabwean lady, remarked that Zimbabwean women can never work together in a foreign land. It was her alone who shattered my dream.”
Many people have shared the same experience.