Master your emotions in 2024, strive for the best
COUNTLESS factors have a bearing on good, effective communication.
In the places where most people spend their longest time, whether work, school, business, or home, one such aspect is emotional intelligence (EQ).
Now more than ever emotional intelligence shows up on the list of soft skills that are considered vital in an individual as it speaks volumes about you and affects those you interact with.
Like it or not, by portraying a temperament that’s all over the place, you make an impression, and can damage your relationships, your reputation, and your dignity and it may also cost you the respect of others within your networks.
Seeing as emotions seem to get in the way of our communication or to tarnish images of individuals in relationships and elsewhere, I was inspired this week to touch on this topic, to charge into this New year on a decisive note where we strive for better and effective communication which fosters wellness, love and healthier connections.
We have previously spoken about emotional intelligence, and how, it plays an integral role in nurturing positive and fulfilling relationships.
My question is how do you fair in your own, assessment of your emotional intelligence and its application in your relationships? Whether it’s your romantic partner or, peers, or colleagues, understanding and managing your emotions can make all the difference.
Have you ever seen someone in their unfortunate moment of “emotional intelligence lack” — where everyone in the room goes silent nekumunyarira, while she or he is in a fit of rage over a matter of sheer misunderstanding that could very well be handled without such drama or if you’ve ever seen cases where a partner out of nowhere, reacts or responds violently, totally unwarranted in that situation.
I have seen it a few times and it’s not pretty. It’s that “hezvo” kind of moment where you might wonder where the outburst is coming from.
Empathy might be a better response though, rather than judgement in such a situation.
There might be other underlying issues that the raging individual is dealing with, unbeknown to others.
Such an individual should however, try not to ‘offload’ the pressure on innocent people or on a partner who doesn’t know what they’re going through. I tend to agree with experts who advise that before you blow your top or let rip in response to offense, take a deep breath and count to ten (I would even suggest counting further than that if you need to). In that time, it is hoped you allow yourself to calm down, and put things in perspective and you may find you have a different view that can change the course of your whole day or that of your partner.
Impact of poor emotional Intelligence:
Granted, having poor emotional intelligence can hinder the quality of our relationships, especially romantic and work relationships which can become a cycle. you are upset at home, then you take it out on colleagues, then they possibly retaliate, and you take it home to pile it on your partner or family — and on and on it goes.
When we fail to manage our emotions, outbursts and impulsive reactions often follow, exposing our lack of temperance and potentially damaging the respect others have for us. In a romantic setting, the inability to control one’s emotions can exhaust or frustrate a partner, potentially leading to the dissolution or utter ruin of an otherwise strong bond.
Similarly, uncontrolled emotional outbursts in the workplace are deeply unprofessional, causing discomfort and disturbance among colleagues and negatively affecting teamwork. Kana pane zvimwe zviri kunetsa there’s a need to learn to separate issues, so that unonangana nenyaya which is at hand, rationally, not to lump everything as this does not augur well at all with the receiver of your rant.
I like gleaning from the ageless wisdom of the Bible. In this regard, it teaches about good temperance, which is the practice of self-control, moderation, and restraint. In Galatians 5:22-23, it mentions the fruit of the Spirit, and one of these fruits is self-control. Proverbs 25:28 also emphasises the value of self-control, stating that a person without it is like a city broken down with no walls.
This teaches us that having self-discipline and not indulging in excessive behaviour leads to a balanced and stable life. Romans 12:18, stresses the importance of keeping peace with all men. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This encourages believers to do their utmost to maintain harmonious relationships with others.
It acknowledges that it may not always be feasible, but it instructs us to take responsibility for our part in pursuing peace. Maintaining peace requires humility, forgiveness, and a willingness to reconcile differences whenever possible.
A Whatsapp status I saw recently by Pastor Grace Kapswara of Love City Church in Harare, said: “you’re not grown until you know how to communicate, apologise, be truthful, and accept accountability without blaming someone else.”
That message resonated with me in the quest for humanity to do better, be well-balanced, and enjoy quality relationships and networks.
So I compiled a few tips to consider for managing emotions whether with your significant other or in your myriad interactions at large: Self-Reflection When faced with a conflict, take a step back and reflect on your emotions and triggers.
Understanding yourself better will enable you to identify what truly bothers you before engaging in a conversation or confrontation. Stay calm and composed even when feeling offended, it’s important to maintain composure, for your good health and sanity. Instead of responding impulsively, this is where taking deep breaths to calm yourself can help.
Reacting with anger or frustration often exacerbates the situation, making resolution more difficult or just creating drama for onlookers. Communicate effectively If you’ve followed this column, you may remember how we have suggested that when feeling wronged, it’s essential to express your concerns calmly and respectfully.
Using “I” statements to convey your feelings and experiences without blaming others can foster understanding and empathy, opening up constructive dialogue which I believe makes communication more meaningful.
Active Listening During conflicts, it is crucial to actively listen to the other person’s perspective, have the patience to do so, knowing you will have your chance to also speak because I figure if both people speak at the same time, each wanting to be heard over the other, that’s not effective communication.
This one seems to elude many of us. I love to give the example of a song by the legendary and late Tuku, titled “Kuropodza”.
In this song he says “Kukurukura, kutaura tichinzwanana, iwe wotaura ini ndichiteerera,ndotaurawo iwe uchiteerera..” Genuine attentiveness demonstrates respect and allows for a better understanding of their point of view, helping to find common ground in resolving conflicts.
Professional conduct
Love operates with respect and it applies to all relationships, it’s not something we put on and off depending on who we are talking to, even those you may consider as the least of your brethren, respect is the minimum. In the workplace, raising one’s voice when upset or resorting to aggressive behaviour is detrimental in my view.
Speak with your colleagues or superiors using a normal volume voice while maintaining professionalism, it doesn’t diminish the point you are making at all, if anything, you are heard better when calm, and taken more seriously.
I truly believe you can express your thoughts assertively but diplomatically, ensuring your message is heard without causing unnecessary tension.
Managing our emotions not only prevents regrettable outbursts but also allows us to handle conflicts maturely and constructively. As we navigate 2024, embracing emotional intelligence in our relationships can be among the goals for the year.
There’s value in the mastery of our emotions, that unlocks the true potential of our relationships and makes the year a fulfilling one.
Let’s keep the conversation going. Sharing your views and experiences can encourage someone else.