The pain of an unloved student
IF we receive consistent love and support during our childhood, we grow up with a feeling that we are valuable and loved.
We have an increased ability to solve our problems, form healthy and meaningful relationships, and an overall sense of well-being and security. If we receive inconsistent love or face excessive humiliation or trauma during our childhood, we grow up with a poor sense of self, fear of failure, lack of trust, and a tendency to enter into toxic relationships.
But the irony of life is that some are loved even if they are not yet born and some are never loved till death while some face rejection after birth. In the end, no one applied to be born, it is just nature.
Some children have to deal with this reality daily, and they are left with no comfort.
Nothing matters more to a child than having a sense of security and affection. That love should originate at home, but many children don’t have that advantage.
Regrettably, not every child receives the appropriate level of love from their parents or guardians.
Honestly, even years after you become an adult, the wounds from feeling unwanted for so long can affect almost every aspect of your life. Fellow students, I extend my greetings to you all in this month of love.
This week, I bring up an emotional issue that I have observed for years now. My greatest strength is writing what I see and sometimes what I hear. I have noticed that at times we blame some students for the wrongs they do or the behaviours they exhibit but at times it is not their fault. The way a student dresses can show that they are loved, and the way a student behaves shows if they are loved.
The way a student writes their assignments or exams can show you where they are coming from.
As I always say, the greatest thing God did to us was to create an image that is not transparent, otherwise most of us would be victims of embarrassment.
You see some failing to write assignments, some don’t attend lectures regularly. Writing what I see is my strongest suit and has become my trademark. At times I feel as if I should donate love every day.
I have seen that sometimes we hold fellow students accountable for the wrongs they commit or the behaviours they display, even if sometimes it’s not their fault.
Students can express that they are loved by their appearance, and their behaviour can also reveal their level of being loved.
You can tell where a student is coming from by looking at the way they write their assignments or exams. The greatest thing God did for us, as I usually say, was to create an image that is not transparent otherwise, most of us would be ashamed every day, every minute.
It is evident that some students struggle with assignments, and others seldom show up for class.
While some students lack focus, some just write without any sort of order, and some are lonely all the time.
Don’t pass judgment on them too quickly; it’s an absence of love.
A student’s psychological development may be significantly impacted if they don’t experience constant, unconditional affection as a child.
We lack a feeling of self from the moment we are born. Our sense of self as babies is deeply entwined with our parents.
As we become older, we begin to recognise that we are unique individuals, and we begin to form a distinct sense of self, or “ego,” at the age of two or three.
It is during these initial years of our life that we start developing our sense of self and our interaction with our parents during this time plays a pivotal role in the quality of our sense of self we develop.
This is because as infants we are helpless and dependent on our parents for sustenance, love, and care.
Sadly, abandonment by parents is as painful as death.
If a child notices that his or her parents do not have time for them or are inconsistent in their ways towards their needs, they develop a feeling that they must be worthless and good for nothing.
If the sense of self is distorted at this age, a person carries that into adulthood and it reflects in their behaviour even as an adult.
But being not loved when you are a student hits harder.
Being an unloved student can have significant impact on a person’s well-being and academic performance. The feeling of being unloved can lead to emotional distress, low self-esteem, and a lack of motivation. In an educational setting, where students spend a significant amount of time, feeling unloved can exacerbate feelings of isolation and loneliness.
This predicament can manifest through social withdrawal, academic underachievement, or even behavioural issues.
Being an unloved student can have profound emotional and psychological impacts on students.
The feeling of not being loved or cared for by lecturers, fellow students, or family members can lead to a range of negative consequences that affect the student’s well-being and academic performance.
This emotional impact of being an unloved student is very devastating.
Students who do not feel loved or supported may experience feelings of loneliness, sadness, and worthlessness.
This has led to low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and even thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
I have seen students committing suicide, some dropping out of college, some leaving home to stay in the streets.
The lack of love and validation from others has mostly created a deep sense of emptiness and despair in the student’s life.
When a student is struggling with feelings of rejection and inadequacy, it can be challenging for them to focus on their studies and perform well in school.
This can result in poor grades, lack of motivation, and disengagement from learning.
Many students who feel unloved exhibit behavioural issues both in and out of the classroom. Some have acted out, become disruptive, or withdraw from social interactions.
These behavioural problems can further isolate the students from their friends and lecturers, creating a cycle of negative reinforcement that perpetuates their feelings of being unloved.
But it’s never too late to start healing. It takes time, but with patience and effort, you can work through your childhood wounds and start building a happier life for yourself.
One day we shall meet and let’s make sure we have toast!
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