It takes two to tango, children are not wild mushrooms!
MY mother, MaNcube used to tell us about her polygamous uncle. The farm where he stayed provided ample space for Sekuru, his wives and children.
Meal times were a hive of activity. Food was taken from one end of the farm to the other. Each wife would share a portion of what she had prepared with Sekuru.
We were told Sekuru was a big man! MaNcube said at each meal, every wife would send her children with their father`s portion. My mother said her uncle had many children and that her uncle did not want to scratch his head thinking, so each child would introduce him or herself.
There was a standard introduction; “Baba, ndiFadzi mwana waMavis.” (Father, its Fadzi, Mavis` child). Sekuru was blessed with many children who then went on to have many children!
I am yet to come across one of the descendants of my uncle who are now in polygamous relationships. There are some of his descendants who now have one child only, a total contrast of the children that their great grandfather and grandfather had.
When people have children, the number of children they opt to have is at times based on their background, and the information available to them and health, that of their partner and theirs.
Life experiences also contribute. I grew up in a large family and when I started having children, my initial plan was to have five children!
Growing up in a large family, ensured that always I had someone to play with and if one sibling did not want to talk or play with me, there were other siblings to choose from!
I have three daughters as shared previously. Opting to stop at baby number three was due to a number of reasons, some which were beyond my control, but one of which I did not want people throwing pity parties on my behalf after I had five daughters thinking that I was trying for a boy.
Someone shared that a relative tried for a boy until she had seven daughters and could have tried for baby number eight had she not faced challenges during the birth of baby number seven.
When the partner attempted to have others help him with baby boys, he and his assistants ended up with two girls.
The 10th daughter, he named Ntombizodwa which means girls only, he might finally have accepted that sons were not his portion.
There will be one man who has sons who is looking for someone to assist him with just one baby girl and receives twin sons!
I walked behind a woman who was walking slowly as she held a wrapped baby and was trying to handle another child who she was literally forcing to walk.
I walked fast to catch up with her. I learnt that she was going for her six week post delivery clinic visit. The little boy she was forcing to walk was her second son who turns three towards the end of the year.
The baby is a third son, the eldest son is in an ECD B class. She told me that the son who was walking was still coming to terms with having a little brother. The eldest son would be out of school midday so after she was attended to at the clinic, she would find a spot to sit with the two boys and then get the other one from school.
Being the inquisitive one, I asked where was my mukwasha, her husband. He had to go to work, she said.
I did not ask why he had not made arrangements for a taxi so that her load could be easier. I watched them enter the clinic, the walking son, claiming loudly that he was tired.
He was a baby too, whose baby time had been cut short because his parents decided to have another child. She had said that it would be easier to struggle with small babies at once and get the child bearing over and done with.
Such an approach requires resources and support.
My late grandmother VaMaMoyo would say vana havazihohwa hwemusango hunongokura hwega (Children are not wild mushrooms that just sprout and grow).
Having a baby is not just a woman`s responsibility if the father is in the picture. It takes two to tango! I have seen women accompanied by other women walk from health facilities after child birth.
Usually the one who has given birth will carry the light stuff, the baby and maybe a bag too will be carried by the one who has come to take the new mother home.
Not an easy scene on the eyes and the heart. I have seen people stop to offer such people rides.
My question is, are all these babies unexpected? Even if they are unintended, one does not get pregnant one instant and give birth soon afterwards…
One does not need a car to become a parent. One can however plan to have transport that takes the mother and the baby home on the day that they are discharged from the hospital.
I remember the heavy bleeding after child birth, it will not be comfortable to travel on public transport, fearing to stain one`s clothes.
Women improvise though. Usually, the new mother has a thick wrapper on such that if the dress is stained, it will take a lot of absorbing before it becomes public.
There are things that we can do ourselves, such as planning not just for the baby`s birth but for the baby`s first trip back home. Some fathers choose to be absent at a time when their presence and support is of great importance.
Family planning is a conscious decision by individuals or couples to choose for themselves when to start having children, how many children to have, how to space them and when to stop having children by using modern contraception and/or natural methods.
Planning has to be whole! #Invest in women: accelerate progress.