Stop bursting bubbles in the women’s month

I AM a mother of three daughters.

My maternal grandmother was also a girls’ mother with three girls just like me. Ma Ncube my mother was the middle child. I am happy to be a mother of girls.

I have nothing against boys. I have a nephew that I love very much. I have accepted that I am a girls` mother and a member to an exclusive Girls Club whose motto is Girls Club, stays together!

That catch line has stood the test of time.

It was a motto, a reassurance in turbulent times when it seemed like we would be in separate places.

I am sure that when you were growing up, your parents or guardians gave you words that would encourage you.

For others it was just remembering how their parents called them by their totem and then they just brightened up.

I used to think that totems were of the past, no, there are some young people these days that crave to be called by their totem! A story for another day…

I said in a previous article that there may be a reason to recall some qualifications.

This is because there are some instances I think that“learned”people should come to one’s rescue.

One is then horrified when the learned are part of the ones that are actually nailing to some hard wall.

Now let us discuss this issue. Who determines the sex of a child? Has this been researched and studied in the past and results shared? Or are the results hidden still waiting to be discovered?

When I had my first daughter, I was really excited that I was a mother and had all kind of ideas of how I would dress and plait my little girl.

Then the bubble busters turned up. What I have discovered is that there are always some people who are not paid by anyone to burst other people’s bubbles yet they have become such experts that you would think that they are actually paid on commission to go on marathon bubble bursting!

Busy breast feeding my baby, I had major disturbances, people telling me things that I am sure stressed me and then passed on to my baby.

I had people visit who wanted to know why my baby was big. According to what they had seen, she was big for a first child. I do not know what their aim was.

A confession out of me? That I had somehow made the baby big while I was pregnant?

When it is your first child, you are already overwhelmed by all that is happening around you and the new responsibilities that have been thrust on your shoulders.

Instead of other “been there mothers” coming to support you, others come to plant seeds of doubt, fear and anxiety in you. Remember when some of us had children, there was no social media, not much use of the internet.

We relied on what we were told at the health facility, what we read in magazines and what family member and friends told us.

Family and friends did not divulge much, they simply told me that it would come to me naturally. Naturally? What I experienced as a young mother called at times for more than just nature!

Besides being told that my baby was big, I had people telling me that since I had had a girl as the first child, I had to make sure that the next child was definitely a boy!

You are shocked as you read this? What about me?

This is a lived experience. I was told that in making the next baby ndisakunda murume simba (not to overpower the man) That is all that they would say and leave you hanging. Then others came to say that since I had a girl, I had not started giving birth! Really?

Did they not know the agony that I had experienced in the labour ward?

A male child is what I would need to be deemed as having given birth!

Now these were not strangers that I met on the streets or on bus, they were people who were connected to me somehow. Looking back, I feel sorry for them.

I feel that they exerted their negative energies on innocent young mothers, I am so certain that I am not the only one that had to listen to what they had to say. Did I say listen?

Relatives from both sides did not care a hoot if I was paying attention or not, they just spoke. At times they spoke like I was not there!

When I had the second daughter, there were some people who expressed their pity, oh another girl!

The way that it was said was sad, it was as if I was a disappointment.

Some saw me like a failure for delivering the same goods.

I fell in love with my daughter and the bonding was and is till wonderful. When I had daughter number three, it was confirmed that I was a girls’ mum.

The two big sisters dotted on her and it has been bonding since then.

The people who put pressure on me to have boys were never males.

It was the females. Do you know that even now when I share that I have three daughters there are those women who ask: Vasikana chete here Fadzi (daughters only Fadzi?).

Then with a smile I answer, “Yes, it’s a girls club.”

A happy one for that matter with each member fully appreciated! #Proud Girls’ Mum! This women’s month, let us celebrate women.

Women do not just start as women, they start as girls, as babies who need to be valued.

Without supporting women, there shall never be progress. Women already have full plates. Allow women to enjoy their lives and reach their full potential. Hey we already have reproductive health cycles that demand our full attention! #Invest in Women: Accelerate progress.

them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Unfortunately, the reality is that not all parents treat their children well. Sometimes a parent’s behaviour can be unhealthy and harmful to their kids. The Bible instructs us to honour our parents, but it does not command us to stay in harm’s way. If you or another teen that you know is facing abusive or dangerous situations, get help right away.

If your parents behave in hurtful ways, do you still have to show them honour?

The Bible says yes. But how can you do that?

First, forgive them. Jesus said forgiveness would not be easy. Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22).

Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Second, pray for your parents and ask the Holy Spirit to help you speak well of them.

Third, demonstrate to your parents what healthy love looks like. Show them the love of Christ. And lastly, as you grow into adulthood, endeavour to be the person or parent they weren’t. Break the cycle of heartache and fill the cracks with God’s love and restoration instead.– focusonthefamily.com