Blame game or take action

VERY soon Ordinary Level results will be out. Congratulations to those who will have done well. To those who will have floundered, take a relook, what did you not do right? Where did you flounder? What can you still do to correct the wrong?

Taking a re-look and assessing what needs to be corrected is the way to go.

So if you did not do well, do not cry over spilt milk. Rather sit down and take note of what needs to be corrected. There is always a second chance, you can still do well.

There are lots of deserving students who did not get half the chance you got, so stand up and correct the fault. There is life after poor results in school as long as you acknowledge where you went wrong.

In relationships people tend to think that they have been wronged by the other part without deep introspection of themselves.

I have a true life story of a couple I will call A being the man and B being the woman.

B was in a love relationship with A and she fell pregnant. She eloped to A and A was abusive calling B all sorts of names. By the time she was due to give birth she looked very ill due to carrying a pregnancy and physical abuse.

She lost the baby and on being discharged from hospital went back to her parents. A fell ill when B had left. He had tuberculosis and was advised to also take an HIV test. He tested positive to the latter too. Being frail with no one to look after him, he thought on getting back with B. He phoned B and told her the sad news of his two tests and that he was sorry for all he had done to B. A wanted B back. A assumed that since B had lost the baby she surely was HIV positive. B was not HIV positive at all.

We see a situation where one presumes that because one lost a baby then one is HIV positive. The man tested HIV positive and he again assumes that the woman he once lived with is also HIV positive.

He makes a shocking discovery to find out that the woman he once lived with is not HIV positive. On hearing that the woman is HIV negative, the man is confused. He wonders how that could be. He is ill, needs someone to look after him and sees that surely he wracked a loving relationship. Sadly, the woman is not willing to make a comeback, what with the beating that led her to lose a baby. This scenario above is present in some couples where one part is HIV positive and the other HIV negative. This is called discordant couples. In the above the relationship broke down before the results were even known. In some instances it is the outcome of one being HIV positive and the other HIV negative that led to a breakdown.

This is possible because the risk of infection is variable for different people.

Risk can be explained by the number of viral load of the infected person, the co-existence of sexual infection in either partner and an individual’s susceptibility to HIV infection.

For some partners, the discord is not a challenge, but for others it can result in tension, questions and even total confusion. When the HIV positive partner seeks medical support it can be common that the HIV negative partner can be totally forgotten.

The health of the negative partner needs to be safeguarded too. The HIV positive partner needs the support offered by the spouse and this is important.

How is the health of HIV negative partner protected?

Discordant couples need to practice safe sex. The safety of the HIV negative is a constant worry and can upset the sexual life even when protection is used. There is a mingling fear lurking in the mind. The couple should therefore consider accessing post exposure prophylaxis (PEP).

When trying to have a baby the couple consults their doctor or nursing staff and it is possible to have HIV negative children.

PEP offers protection to the HIV negative partner and peace of mind too.

HIV does not define who you are or what kind of a person you are. Rather define your health style by living positively if you test HIV positive rather.

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