Domestic violence: A worrisome social vice

MEN and women have lost lives in gruesome circumstances as a result of a social vice called domestic violence.

Now is the time to shift from the blame game between the only two sexes the Almighty created and invest our energies towards the elimination of this beast whose sadistic nature is second to none.

Most cases of domestic violence involve husbands and wives and then children are caught in the crossfire, resulting in the young ones being affected emotionally and psychologically.

The issue of infidelity is at the centre of most cases of domestic violence. Both men and women seem to have discovered a powerful weapon to inflict pain on a cheating partner, boiling water or cooking oil.

Today's man seems to react more violently towards his wife's depraved behaviour than the man of yesteryear. One may wonder why this is so. Traditionally, divorce was the only way to deal with a fidgeting wife, but this option has become trickier as society becomes more sophisticated.

With the collapse of the extended family unit, many men dread single parenting. If a marriage crumbled, relatives normally chipped in, taking custody of the hapless children.

Today's man suffers in silence if his wife has a clandestine relationship with another man. It is a fallacy to say that most men are too blind to see their wives cheating ways.

The issue is that they do not normally confide in anyone, allowing the volcano of emotional torture to build up before it finally erupts. Men normally keep their emotional woes a secret for fear of being laughed at.

Women, on the other hand, tell their relatives and friends freely about their husbands' sexual misdemeanours. Even if this does not normally bring about a solution, it results in some form of emotional relief.

The unfortunate husband whose wife has found warmth in another nest will not endure "till death do us part".

A fatal spark will occur one day and a heinous crime with grievous consequences is committed.

Men have also had their own share of scalding and battering from their wives on the issue of infidelity. One wonders why the modern wife has developed the propensity to pounce on a cheating husband.

One of the reasons is the woman's awareness of her rights, which she protects in the manner a mother elephant would protect her calf.

The other reason why a woman would ruthlessly inflict life changing injuries on her unfaithful husband is the economic situation in Zimbabwe. It infuriates any woman to realise that some undeserving women are sharing the shrinking family cake with her and her children.

Then there is the issue of HIV and Aids. Before the advent of this pandemic disease, most women could bear with their cheating husbands, but today the thought that a husband's quest for alternative romantic flavours may kill her directly makes a woman react violently to her husband's amoral behaviour.

Domestic violence does not only occur between lawfully married partners. A lot of it involves those in unsolemnised relationships.

These relationships include the infamous small houses. The issue of infidelity is again at the core of the violence. It is foolhardy for a man or woman in such a relationship to expect chastity in such a relationship yet they themselves are cheating on someone else.

So, what can be done to contain the vice? The first obvious answer is that people need to preserve the sanctity of holy matrimony. Weigh the ephemeral pleasures of sexual adventures against the agony of the possible consequences.

There is need to seek advice from elders, professional counsellors and church leaders when one's domestic problems get out of hand. There is that need to realise that violence aggravates a problem rather than solves it.

Violence does not always occur in its extremities, but it has a tendency to worsen. Seek dialogue with your partner once you start noticing a deterioration in your relationship. Pride has no room in this. A good partner will work on his or her own shortcomings after a friendly discussion.

Marital relationships are hardly romantic, but the worst sin is to deny your partner the attention he or she needs only to become physically abusive when they wander out of wedlock.

The catch word is that violence never solves any problem. It brings new problems on board.

◆ Nhamo Muchagumisa is a trained secondary school teacher and holds a degree in English and Communication Studies. He can be reached on his mobile number 0777460162.