Relationships
FROM MyHeart is a platform created for you to share your issues and get practical assistance. Together we can create brighter lives and happier people, transforming mindsets one day at a time. Send your heart to heart message to Tete Barbara and read her responses.
Dear Tete
I am in a state of shock and confusion after finding out that my dear husband of 22 years is a father to his own sister’s child. I do not understand why I was not informed earlier.
My nephew dropped the bombshell during a heated exchange of words with my husband. When I heard his statement I thought it was a mistake or a lie until he repeated it. My husband could neither respond nor deny the allegations. After a few days the family set up a meeting to officially inform me of the reality. I am disturbed. Tete Responds:
A bombshell it is indeed! You did not say whether this child was born during your marriage or way before, whether they were children or not, so I am limited in my opinions on the matter.
Too many secrets, too little trust in the world make relationships strained. I cannot speak for your husband, nor can I even try to defend the outcome of his actions.
You are his wife and as such, you have the right to ask him what transpired. It will never be easy opening up on such an issue, so be patient and level headed. It is a thing from his past that is haunting him today. Be careful to ruin your marriage trying to be Judge Judy. Find a good counsellor and grow from there.
God’s Speed!
****
Sex worker by day, wife by night
Dear Tete
I must do what I must to fend for my children. By day I sell my body to interested men and when night comes I belong to my husband. My husband is not aware of my escapades, but I also wonder at times where he thinks I get money from. I pay rent, feed my family and clothe them all. Why would he not question me? Tete Responds:
You are right, your husband should ask you how you are managing to pay all those bills without a job! I mean you cannot just expect manna to fall and not ask what is this and where is it coming from.
However, my dear what you are doing is wrong. Why have you chosen the path you have taken? You may say it is the painful choice a mother takes to keep her children alive, but mummy, what lesson are you teaching your kids? What if you contract HIV, or if your husband discovers your shenanigans? Are you prepared to leave your marriage? Are you ready for the changes that come with divorce? Think fast and smart.
Wake Up!
****
Dad haunting me from his grave
Dear Tete
My father died of a heart attack a few months ago after I had stolen his money. I am so sorry about what I did, but I have no one’s support on the matter.
Several times, my sisters have told me to go to his grave to beg for forgiveness, but the old man will not leave me alone. Every night he appears in my dreams, chasing me with an axe. Help me. Tete Responds:
Sounds like a guilty conscience taking you on a twisted road trip. You must deal with the guiltiness and work on mending your relationship with your siblings.
Constantly hearing about how you are the reason that your parent is no longer alive is bound to get you feeling the way you are. If paying back the money is a requirement, do so to the ideal person (baba wasara). Do what must be done and remember life must go on. Learn your lesson and move on.
All the Best For more topical discussions tune into Diamond Fm on 103.8Fm or Livestream on www.diamondfm.co.zw on Monday, Wednesday and Friday 3-6pm (HomeBound) Tuesday 10-11pm (Zviri Musaki) Wednesday 9-pm (Her Story) and Saturday7-8am (The Cushion). You can send an email to barbvsolo82@gmail.com.