Understanding bullying

EDITOR. — Usually when talking about Child Protection, the underlying assumption is we are talking about protection of children from adults. However, earlier on in February, a story was published by the Chronicle, detailing the horrific bullying that was taking place at Marist Brothers’ Secondary School in Dete challenging the prevailing theory.

It got me thinking, are we doing enough in protecting children? What are we doing in terms protecting children from other children? What are our children turning into? These are just but a few questions that came to mind but the bottom line is as a nation we have reached a point where bullying has become a bigger issue than we ever imagined and deserves more attention.

Bullying in its simplest form can be defined as being cruel, nasty, and unkind to another person repeatedly for no apparent reason. This behaviour can be categorized into 4 groups which are physical, verbal, social and cyber-bullying. Physical bullying is the most visible form of bullying as it causes some bodily harm. It includes hitting, kicking or any other physical harm that can be made on one person by another.

Verbal is all about what comes out of another person’s mouth towards other people. It is fuelled by the tongue, a weapon which has also been mentioned in the Bible as being capable of influencing life. This may also include body shaming, calling others by degrading names “fat, ugly, skinny” the list is endless The other type of bullying is as the name suggests, of a social nature. This normally involves public humiliation or encouragement of purposefully avoiding someone.

In a school setting this is normally associated with “cliques” i.e. groups of people who hang out together pulled together by a certain common factor. Unfortunately as unimportant as this might seem to us as adults but picture this; a child spends ¾ of their time at school, which is 9 months out of 12 make up all 3 school terms of which school is attended 5 days out of 7 week at 5hrs a day at least.

So yes, belonging to a group is a big deal! Enticement or instigation by others to not accept a certain individual is bullying, everyone deserves to be part of a community. Last but certainly not important any less, is the growing concept of cyber-bullying.

The rapidly growing use of technology as a way of communication and connection has not only come with benefits but has brought an equal share of disadvantages. As much as it has made communication easier it has also made it easier for people to bully others, hence the term, “keyboard warriors”.

Social media also provide the possibility of creation of fake profiles which are the main drivers of contemporary bullying.

Now that we have an understanding of what bullying is, what are the common signs and symptoms that we are to watch out for as parents or guardians?

◆ Physical bullying is usually associated with peculiar cuts and bruises on your child’s body. Let’s be inquisitive as parents and alert to such changes. It is better to be described as an over-zealous parent than a passive one.

◆ Social bullying results in isolation of the child, they prefer to be alone than with others, essentially there is no sense of belonging and trust is also on the low side. Effort should be made to engage your child and try and gauge where their mind is at, it is important to show love to children who you might think are being bullied.

◆ Verbal bullying has almost the same effects as social bullying but it might also lead to your child engaging in that same behaviour on others as a way of coping. This might explain why your child is becoming aggressive to other children and is constantly the “group leader” in all their interactions.

◆ Cyber bullying, encompasses all the effects mentioned above therefore making it the most dangerous form of bullying. It is also the hardest to detect as more often than not it does not have a face to it. Supervising your children’s social pages may assist in detecting cyber abuse.

How can we prevent bullying? It is important that there is open communication between children and guardians to build an unshakeable bond that will facilitate meaningful dialogue in the relationship. This way you are able to detect any anomalies in the behaviour of your child and in the other instance children will be free to share what they are going through. There is no such thing as being an overprotective guardian, constantly remind your child that they are loved and are not second class citizens.

All this cannot happen if you do not have time for your children, in this day and age where social media and making money seems to have overtaking in meaningful interaction remember the reason for all the hustle is your child. Let’s keep our eyes on the ball, our children.

Like Katherine Jenkins once said “Children should be able to live a life free from bullying and harassment and it is time that we all took a stand against this.” Mwana anokosha! For comments or if you have any topics that you would like to be covered in this column feel free to contact us on the following details: Simukai Advocacy