hOW TO HOST A WEDDING FOR A WELL KNOWN PERSON

HELLO everyone, I trust you all had an amazing week. I celebrated my birthday, so I am feeling blessed. God blessed me with another year and I am grateful.

This week, I found myself in a dilemma of celebrating with only close friends and family instead of throwing the usual big party. Unfortunately, the people turned up in groves anyway, so could not help it, but enjoy myself...

This reminded me of a message I received months ago from someone who said her future husband too well known in town, which meant he would be inviting his whole church, neighbourhood, relatives and business networks to their wedding. She said most of the people are not his friends, but know him through dealings and church, among other things. She said would shoulder the financial burden of most of the wedding, therefore she does not like to host too many people at the wedding, but was failing to make her husband understand.

I feel for the bride, but I also find myself understanding the husband. It is very hard when someone is well known in a community, to celebrate important life milestones, without the whole world falling over each other to be part of it. In fact when someone serves in church, it becomes fashionable for the whole church to be invited, even if you do not really talk to all of them.

There are many ways to get around this issue. However, my dear you need to also honour your husband’s wish to share the event with as many people as possible. If the issue is finances, it would be wise for you as a couple to engage someone in a lead position in the church to see how they can assist. After all if he is serving in the church, it is only right for the church to support him by not only attending the wedding but by also helping put the wedding together. Every church has a decor team, catering committee or someone who can provide transport or a DJ with a PA system or someone who farms chicken etc.

Moreover, if he is also as well known in the business community, I would presume, he knows one or two business people who would be more than happy to assist him. There is no shame in asking for help or making people realise that a big wedding costs money and therefore you need help.

On the other hand, if you feel asking for help is not an option, you can possibly choose a venue that accommodates less people. That way you can cut out as many people as possible without offending them. For instance if you only want 200 people, find a venue that fits only 200 people without an option of an overflow tent. Yes people are very clever, they will add a tent at your expense just to fit more people.

Another option would be to change your meal type. I have been to so many weddings where the VIPs and top table get a lavish meal, but everyone else gets a simple meal. Some people do not find issue with it, but I personally struggle with this kind of discrimination. I understand in some cultures saying no is almost impossible. But if you end up in debt over the wedding, are any of those people going to help you pay the debt? No they, will not!

Another option is to build a wedding team around you that is influential and good at giving. That way you can tell them the issue knowing that they will do everything in their power to find as much help as possible. Also include on your team someone influential in the church, like the person who heads events in your church or the head of the Deacons etc. In doing that, you take the pressure off yourselves in having to admit you cannot afford to host the church at your wedding. They will relay the message appropriately and make a plan for you. That is what church and community is about.

Lastly, you and your husband could postpone the wedding date to a time when you do have enough money to host everyone.

Personally I think this is unfair for you as a couple, because you are putting your marriage on hold for others, who will not probably contribute actively to your wedding anyway. But I have seen this happen, some have managed and it turned out great, but some couples, years later, still have not raised enough money to have a big wedding — imagine! Remember this wedding is about you. So make wise decisions, not just for now, but for your future.

I hope this helps you my dear and all those other couples out there who are struggling with lack of money coupled with lots of people to accommodate at your wedding.

A surprise wedding

Do you know anyone in the community who has been married traditionally for over 15 years, but cannot afford a white or church wedding? Would you like us to help give them a surprise wedding? Contact the writer on 0772933845.