Wedding ceremony etiquette tips from the experts
PLANNING is no easy task, and especially not when it comes to the ceremony. Odds are, you haven’t organised one before! And while you should be basking in the moment you’ll say “I do” to your forever partner, you’re actually sifting through tonnes of logical battles, like where to seat your divorced parents or if you can include a man in your bridal party. (That’s an enthusiastic yes, by the way!) We gathered our best wedding etiquette experts to answer popular ceremony questions, so you can get back to the fun part: relishing in that pre-wedding glow.
You should feel comfortable at your wedding and design the day as a reflection of you. If you want to keep the actual “I dos” to an intimate group, definitely consider it. But before you make the decision, ask yourselves this: “Will we look back and regret the fact that everyone we love didn’t get to see us seal the deal?” If you don’t think so, then go for the smaller ceremony. We do advise that you take into account the feelings of your guests in that situation.
Guests more commonly attend both the ceremony and the reception. Your wedding invitations should make it clear that the recipient is invited to the reception only. If there are questions or confusion, politely explain to friends and family that you intentionally kept the vows small. To make the reception-only guests feel more included, hire a videographer who can edits highlights of the ceremony to show during dinner and dancing. A short clip of the first kiss, and any hard feelings will quickly be forgotten.
A short hiatus between the wedding ceremony and reception is probably helpful to you as you can take your formal pictures and still make it to your cocktail hour. However, your guests may be sitting around twiddling their thumbs if a “short” break means hours.
If you’re not asking guests to completely change outfits, like is common for Indian weddings, keep the break to under an hour. Part of that time may go to transferring from the ceremony location to reception venue.
To keep guests from seeking out a random coffee shop or bar to kill time (the worst!), invite guests to a hospitality suite either at the hotel or the venue, where they can grab a light refreshment like tea and cookies. If everything is happening at the same location, considering extending cocktail hour so that guests can mix and mingle while you take a breather. With the extra-long event, you’ll get to enjoy it too.
Absolutely not. While the wedding party is a great way to honour your friends and family, it’s not the only way. Traditionally, bridesmaids were summoned as decoys for the bride—they would dress up like the bride to throw off evil spirits or robbers out for the dowry. Since those aren’t really issues these days, the wedding party has morphed into the VIPs of the day who are also tasked with assisting the to-be-weds. But that brings a lot of drama, too, and sometimes it’s easier not to pick and choose among your best buds. Just note that you will need two witnesses for your marriage license—commonly the maid of honour and best man—so be sure to give two guests a heads up that they have an important job to do after the recession.
Dogs, cats, llamas, and even turtles— we’ve seen all sorts of pets help their owners say “I do.” You should, though, check a few items off this list to avoid any downsides. If the ceremony takes place in a religious institution, consult the officiant to make sure it’s ok to have a pup present. Be honest with yourself about how your dog reacts to large crowds.
Is Fido chill or going to jump and lick all your guests? Will your pet sit quietly during the ceremony or run off to find the appetizers? Will he be barking over your vows or, to be frank, have an accident on your train? If the answers seem reasonable, go for it. Bonus tip: Designate a dog-friendly attendant to escort them down the aisle and keep hands on the leash during the ceremony. A treat at the end is always appreciated!
We love a “man of honour!” You can absolutely include your favourite dude in the bridal party. Several couples have fused the idea of bridesmaids and groomsmen into mixed-gender wedding parties. Consider calling him a “bridesman” and have him participate in all the same activities as the ladies, unless he’s not into pre-wedding mani-pedis. The same goes for grooms who want their close lady friends as part of the group. Christen her “best woman” or “groomslady.” One of our wedding party highlights included two bridesmen who carried bouquets down the aisle. Have fun with it!
You don’t often see the inclusion of a junior bridesmaid these days, but they are a customary member of the bridal party. Typically, a junior bridesmaid is a female too old to be a flower girl and too young to be a bridesmaid, and the girls would enter before the posse of bridesmaids.
What does that even mean? Today we have grandmothers and pups serving as flower girls and our gay BFFs as bridesmen! We say you can call her whatever you want, and we’re sure she’ll be excited to be in the “big girl” group.