Tete Joyie says:
Dear Tete Joyie: WHY did I weep at my husband’s grave when he did not deserve my sympathy?
He was a bully who physically and mentally abused me for the 10 years that we were married. He was 48 when he died of a heart attack at work.I am 42 and I planned to get away from him for years.
Eventually, I moved back in with my mother last year, but he was still a big part of my life and I was shocked when he died.
Now I feel confused. I am grieving, but I don’t know why. I am angry for mourning him as if I lost a good man when he was actually horrible.
Tete Joyie says:
Your abusive marriage dashed your dream of happiness with a man you must have thought was good when you married. Now that he is gone, you are grieving the time you feel he wasted for you.
****************** Jealous of other married couples Dear Tete Joyie:
I BECOME very jealous when I see other married couples going out for date nights, or when I see other people being affectionate towards one another. I am 35 and my husband is 37. We have two boys aged five and three respectively.
We have been married for 15 years but, sometimes, I feel that he and I have become more like friends.
I don’t think he wants to do anything which involves just me and him.
He is an excellent dad, but he just wants to spend all his free time with the children.
I can’t understand why he doesn’t want to do anything with me. He says he just likes being home with the kids when he is off work. I could not ever imagine my life without my husband and I would not want to, but I can’t help wondering if this is all there is.
Your children are lucky to have a loving and involved dad, but you are going to feel very bitter if you let your life drift like this.
Tell your husband you feel rejected and unloved. Suggest you go on date nights once a fortnight and arrange for friends or family to babysit. Book to go to something he will enjoy too, as he may have lost the habit of grown-up chat and need a focus.