Your Marriage
Why should i give her my utmost attention and give everybody else second place? i married her to prove the point that i love her and that she has first place in my life. is that not enough? if i then have to give her more attention than everything else i doubt i’ll ever be able to make progress in my life and other relationships. My wife stresses me about how i don’t prioritise her but she has no idea how many other things i have to deal with. All i’m saying is that it’s not practical for me to drop everything and run to her whenever she calls. Wives have to understand that we are busy with many other things so can they just please give us the space we need to make things happen.” While you have a point on needing your space you certainly miss the point when you say ‘i married her to prove that i love her’. That is exactly what she fears. She fears that she may become just another person in the grand scheme of your busy life. She is not saying i want to take over your attention (even though that would be ideal for her) but she is saying show me that i am not forgotten. Most importantly she fears that you may never see that she is hurting or feeling alone and abandoned. i need you to spend some time exploring this topic in your unique marriage. The excerpts from the book are letters that a husband has written to his wife so you will enjoy hearing your spouses voice in the first person. Here we go.
The way you look is important to me
“it’s not that i want you to look like some supermodel. On the contrary i want you to look less like an unreal, plastic and over-pho- toshopped shiny Barbie doll. i just want you to look nice. Part of that is my job i know, but it helps if you actually want to look nice and make an effort. You know what it does for me? it makes me aware that you are confident in being my wife. The truth is that i have a secret desire to show you off. When we show up together in public places and you are looking gorgeous, something in me rises up and says, “That’s my wife!” i’ll tell you something else that is even stranger but true. A small part of me wants you to look so nice that other men notice (but it’s a very very very small part of me that wants that). Of course i don’t like them gawking at you, but the point is i get the opportunity to show up with you and silently say, “She’s all mine so back off !” (Did i mention it’s a very small part of me that wants that? lol)
now i certainly don’t want you to look slutty or like a cheap trinket trying too hard to look like something expensive. Be you in a self-respecting manner. i want you to look good in a way that is comfortable for you and pleasing to me. i don’t find it amusing when we go out and all ‘my goods’ are being displayed for all and sundry to see and drool at. i certainly don’t want to enjoy you with every other pervert who walks past you. it makes you look like you’re desperate for attention from other men than me. i do, however, want you to look beautiful and elegant because that says you’re well pleased with me and you’re well looked after by me. i’m not just being a man when i say these things.
The bottom line is that i want you to look good for me not for others only. Why should i be stuck with a frumpy looking woman yet total strangers get the whole nine yards? i may not say it as often as i should that you look good, but i certainly do love it when you do. i’m not just being a man when i say this; i’m being a husband. i really wish you would know this.
Husbands will pretend not to like being asked, “What do you think of this?” He longs to be the first to say, “You look gorgeous in that.” Dress just for him too not for others only. Often hus– bands have to put up with seeing a very distastefully dressed version of you at home yet everyone else gets to see the beautifully adorned you at special events. He’s not being insecure when he says there’s a little too much cleavage showing there. He just wants it not to be for public enjoyment but for himself, privately. if he has bought you some beautiful item of clothing or jewelry do show it off and tell people that your thoughtful hubby bought it for you. Don’t just keep quiet about it. if you are finding these articles helpful feel free to get in touch with me and share some of your thoughts or experiences. i’d love to respond or include them as part of helping other people who are plugged into the column. next week we look at another one of her needs jus as we did last week.
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