I am young, black and depressed

Dear Brendah,

I’m a young black man and I’ve been dealing with a lot of issues and sometimes I feel depressed. The challenge I face is being able to talk to anyone about my depression as I’ve been brought up to be a strong black man and depression is seen as weakness. How do I get past this?

Chimupfana ProBeatz once lamented in his song, Prayer ... hanzi “depression chi-vheti vheti, zvedu zvirwere iGwirikwiti” but nothing could be further from the truth. Society has really done a disservice to men because from a young age they have been taught that any emotion other than anger, ego and lust is unmanly and so when faced with vulnerability they have no idea how to handle it. Added to this is the pervasive toxic masculinity that not only denies men going through tough times the space to indulge these emotions, but also ridicules them at the same time. This communal lack of acknowledgement of depression and anxiety as real diseases that deserve attention and care has resulted in many suicides.

But let me tell you strength does not lie in denying you are battling — strength lies in acknowledging your shortcoming and looking for solutions. You have found strength today by sharing your problem. My humble suggestion is to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. One will help you get to the root of your emotions and the other will help you with medication to lift the darkness. Those are the only people you need to speak to for now. Don’t waste time speaking to people who will only undermine your pain.

Some people can get by with a little help from their friends. Other people, at times, can only get by with a little help from their medicine cabinet. There is no shame. Do what you need to do to get help!

*Depression is an affliction faced by many. If you are dealing with depression, contact us and we will direct you to qualified persons and organisations who can help you through this. You are not alone.

Challenge of the week: Take the second step and commit to reaching out and calling a helpline near you. Help is out there.

Song of the week:

R.E.M -

Drink of the week: Kana une depression pamwe chimbosiyana nezve doro.

Dear Brendah

My married ex-boyfriend comes in and out of my life. He says I am the love of his life and wants to grow old with me. The trouble comes because I hardly ever hear from him on the weekends. He completely disappears. Also I don’t know if I want to date him because I don’t really feel the same way about him, but I do enjoy flirting with him. Am I a bad person? Should I date him just to make him happy?

confusion

“The trouble did not come” when he started disappearing on the weekends. The trouble came when you hooked up with a married man and had expectations that he would act single. He is not disappearing,

But at the same time you are not even sure you like him. But you feel bad when he doesn’t come to see you. And you still want to flirt with him. And somehow feel obliged to make him happy...what is happening? Izvi zvaku

Challenge of the week:

Song of the week: Ndirangarirei - Mai

Charamba (keep the first two sentences on repeat)

Drink of the week:

Dear Brendah,

I’m a Zimbabwean based in the diaspora and I suspect my son is gay. I’m finding it difficult to comprehend and accept as it goes against everything I know as I was raised as a Christian. I love my son and am at a loss.

First of all — don’t jump to conclusions — your suspicions could be wrong. Not everyone that looks gay is gay, and not everyone that looks straight is straight. There are no “symptoms/signs” of homosexuality because

Now, the only way you will know your child’s sexual orientation is if he tells you. And the only way he can tell you is if you foster an environment where he feels safe enough to do so.

If your son is gay, I hate to break this to you, but your Christianity has nothing to do with your son’s sexuality. That is your journey. Not his. And whether or not you are comfortable with your son’s suspected sexual orientation is not the point. Because if he is gay, that is not going to change. Contrary to common (stupid) belief, you can’t pray a gay person straight in the same way you can’t pray a straight person gay.

Due to your Christian upbringing this may seem counter-intuitive, but you need to educate yourself on LGBTQ issues and start cultivating a safe space that allows your son to believe you will still accept them if they come out. just because they go against our beliefs. Thankfully you are in the diaspora where sexual diversity is accepted so you may be able to find resources easily as to how to create that environment for your child and find support from other parents battling with the same issue.

The life of an LGBTQI person is not an easy one due to the very narrow mindsets of certain sectors of society, which is why I always wonder how people think someone would “choose” to be gay and live a life of constant persecution. Your son is going to need your love and support more than you know. Look past yourself and your beliefs and be there for him . . . despite yourself. Give him the gift of being able to walk this hard road with you by his side. Now that is love.

Challenge of the week: Find our Queen Tatelicious Karigambe on FaShe might school you in ways you never expected!

Song of the week: Killer T

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Drink of the week: Cosmopolitan, Apple-Tini...time to acquaint yourself with a little gay culture.

Till next week, tambai mushe nevamwe.

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