VP Mnangagwa almost what?

You don’t arrive when there is nowhere to go. Don’t let secessionists plant suicidal ideas in your head. Vakatumwa vanhu ava. As they say, “don’t trust everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar.”

AS THE opposition political parties continue hunting for this illusive animal called coalition, Mai Mujuru’s Sipepa Nkomo is not mincing his words. They say dzokororo ine simba. Let’s recap what the honest Sipepa had to say.

“We cannot afford to go backwards with a person who has failed . . . I want to speak about the issue of the coalition talks before I sit down because I know that my president (Mai Mujuru) will tone down in a bid to be diplomatic.

“We as NPP, we are saying that a coalition does not mean Tsvangirai will become our presidential candidate. He has been in opposition politics since 17 years ago and if a person has failed, he has failed. If a person fails, you try next door and in this case Tsvangirai has failed and if he does not want a coalition, he should let go because we are going to have Dr Mujuru as our presidential candidate. If they (MDC-T) do not accept it, it’s their problem because we cannot afford to go backwards with a person who has failed,” said Sipepa Nkomo.

They call it brutal honest or stinging reality. Kufunga kwenyu mhuka inonzi coalition inobatwa here pakadai apa? Let’s keep watching the circus, but please don’t say I didn’t warn you. This coalition talk is just a waste of time. Sekuru vangu Matope (may his soul rest in peace) would say; “Dzikadhivana mbiri dzakagomara musoro hapana chinobuda.” It’s not like 2018 is very far. Let me go to today’s sermon. We all know that this world is full of con-artists, liars, deceivers and thieves who seek to take advantage of God’s unsuspecting and innocent souls.

However, Bishop Lazarus never expected to find such people in a newsroom.

Last Thursday, the Bishop was shocked.

“Mnangagwa almost there,” the headline screamed in one of the daily papers.

Just below the headline, was a very nice picture of Vice President Emmerson Mnangagwa beaming with a smile. I just silently whispered, ndiko kwazvatosvika uku.

You see dear congregants, this game of deceit and deception has been with us since the Adam and Eve days in the Garden of Eden. Jesus Himself, even revealed that one of the most pervasive forms of deception is found in religious practice.

One verse that really captures what I am preaching about is 2 Corinthians 11 vs 13-15 which says: “For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works”.

Maybe we have gotten to that time when some journalists are saying if so many prophets are fooling so many people out there, who are we to pretend to be righteous?

You really never know, but the headline “Mnangagwa almost there,” was loaded. Very loaded and full of mischief.

Naturally, when your ever curious Bishop saw the catchy headline, the appetite was easily wetted and in no time, I found myself wasting a dollar. Kuda zvinhu Bishop wenyu.

Anyway, so I bought the newspaper and guess who was telling the world that VP Mnangangwa was “almost there?” It was none other than Tendai Biti of the many MDC fractions who had written this opinion in some online magazine. I immediately threw the paper away. The whole paper.

What can Biti tell me about Zanu-PF in general and VP Mnangagwa in particular?

Biti who doesn’t even know what’s going on in his head and his political party? But then it wasn’t Biti’s fault. Biti was not the “clever one” here. The “clever one” was the one who planted the story in the paper.

And by the way, Bishop Lazarus is fully aware that that story was planted by an outsider. Some “clever” Zanu-PF member with scores to settle. Some Zanu-PF member who is beginning to see shadows and is scared to death. No names for now.

For clues, Bishop Lazarus refers you dear congregants to interesting developments that took place in Cabinet a few days ago. Again, no details about that for now. Bishop venyu havana wara. No names, no details for now.

Let’s go back to the headline above. Elliot and Culver in a 1992 article, entitled; “Defining and analyzing journalistic deception,” write that journalistic deception is an act of communicating messages verbally (a lie) or non-verbally through the withholding of information with the intention to initiate or sustain a false belief. With all due respect dear congregants, Bishop Lazarus think the headline above was meant to “initiate or sustain a false belief.”

The headline was meant to initiate or sustain a false belief that VP Mnangagwa has arrived in terms of succession politics in Zanu-PF.

The headline was meant to make us believe that VP Mnangagwa is in some race with someone for the presidency. The headline was meant to create a false sense of arrival in the VP’s mind. But on a bigger and more mischievous scale, that headline was meant to create trouble, lots of trouble for the VP.

You see, there is this lie that secessionists have created in their shallow heads that President Mugabe does not want anyone in Zanu-PF to appear like a clear front-runner in the succession race.

And so these secessionists planted the headline thinking that by saying “Mnangagwa almost there,” they were creating trouble for the VP.

Rega unzwe nhasi uno. Vamwe kutotadza kuenda kuchurch. Hehe, Bishop Lazarus belongs to this and that faction. Handiti wavanzwa zvavaparidza? I know there are many people with fertile imaginations out there. Can’t stop people from hallucinating. It’s their democratic right. Isu hatiregi mharidzo.

And so that nice picture of the smiling VP was supposed to make it appear as if indeed he has arrived.

VP Mnangagwa is supposed to feel like he has arrived. Well, I have words of advice for the VP — don’t be fooled. There is nowhere to arrive because muridzi wenyaya, the President vachiri panyanga. You don’t arrive when there is nowhere to go. Don’t let secessionists plant suicidal ideas in your head. Vakatumwa vanhu ava.

As they say, “don’t trust everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar.” Unfortunately, there are those who call themselves “Mnangagwa people” who get over-excited when they see such headlines. These people have been creating problems for the VP for quite a while. I really hope they are learning a thing or two with the passage of time.

Bishop Lazarus is fully aware that according to John Thompson the media are the key arena in which the struggle over symbolic power is played out.

Johnson goes further saying as the principal medium through which political leaders relate to ordinary citizens, the media become the primary means by which political leaders accumulate symbolic capital.

This is done through constant management of visibility and careful presentation in the media.

The “Mnangagwa almost there” headline was presented as trying to achieve the above but the opposite is true. The words didn’t add up and as we all know; “If the words don’t add up, it’s usually because the truth wasn’t included in the equation.”

It looks like the season for deception is upon us. Let’s get ready to read some of the most absurd stories, especially seeing that some very senior Zanu-PF officials are scared of Command Agriculture.

They think “Mnangagwa is almost there,” because of Command Agriculture and they are freaking out. Hold on magents! VP Mnangagwa vanongori mutumwa.

Command Agriculture belongs to President Mugabe. Relax!

Stop panicking. Stop the tricks and stop the treachery. Benjamin Franklin sums it up well when he says: “Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don’t have brains enough to be honest.”

Bishop is out!