Huge interest in women’s sexual activities

AGROUP of us, female and male colleagues, were talking casually and comradely when all hell suddenly broke loose because a familiar pattern, which some found highly offensive, was playing out.

Someone mentioned some achievements by a prominent woman. No sooner had the achievements been broached than a pile of the prominent woman’s supposed “feminine crimes” were brought up. Out came her sexual record. These were supposed to be chinks in her armour.

We learnt that she was divorced and that she had “quickly” moved on.

Not to be left out were unsubstantiated inferences of the woman having been seen sitting in a public place with a married male colleague.

That she climbed the corporate ladder meteorically was brought into question, with insinuations that her rise had been sexually-induced.

Feminine crimes

Of course, this opened up a flood of other unsavoury comments, which quickly culminated into a pile of “feminine crimes” against the prominent woman.

The complexion of the discussion changed from being a rosy one where momentarily the woman under discussion had been put on a pedestal of achievement, to a dark and shadowy one where she had quickly and rudely been toppled from high ground.

In no time her image lay battered by disparaging words, slut-shaming and condemnation. Never mind her achievements. Her accomplishments and other good works were drowned out as she was swiftly undermined by a few choicy narratives.

The unspoken but heavily stereotyped code of society dictates that she had to be slut shamed. Some unfortunate words and sentiments were exchanged as the discussion slithered from a pedestal straight to the gutter.

Dirty but works potently

Implying that a woman is of loose morals may be archaic but remains a potent and highly effective tool to damage her, and her credibility. It is dirty and potent, and it works too.

Unfortunately, there is still no male equivalent of slut-shaming. Had the discussion been about some male leader’s achievements, I doubt there would have been as high an appetite to expose his sexual closet.

Unfortunately, many men are more interested in a woman’s sexual escapades than her career achievements or other good works. This lady’s scenario is not unique to her. It is a script that repeats in far too many instances at the detriment of many women. Advances in gender, sexuality discourse Women’s sexuality is turned into a weapon that can be used against them — it continues to be monitored, policed, scrutinised and evaluated. This devalues them.

Despite advances made in gender and sexuality discourse, the slut-shaming of women persists.

Slut-shaming is meant to punish women for going against society’s expectations of their gender. At the core of slut-shaming is disapproval of female sexual desire and expression. This is buttressed by what experts call a “privileging of sexual abstinence or ‘purity’ prior to marriage” and a “judgment that women who do engage in sexual activity or are simply perceived to be interested in such activity are bad or dirty”.

Slut/stud paradox

Underlying slut-shaming is the assumption that female sexuality is dangerous and must be controlled. But why must morality only be wielded as per convenience and bias?

This speaks to the “slut/stud” paradox, which is also society’s double standard where men are praised for many sexual exploits, but women are devalued by the same. For women, value is associated with being virtuous.

Dr Henry notes that for women, there is value attached to being virginal, pure and submissive, and says that can be unattainable for women. He writes that “it comes from religion. This places a premium on virginity and motherhood, and has set women up for unattainable standards”.

Taboo

There is a need for people to understand that having sexual desires is both common and natural. One would suppose that in the 21st century, speaking about one’s sexual desires or embracing them should not be a taboo.

That one should not have to feel ashamed for something that comes naturally to one’s mind and body. Yet, according to culture and society, women should deny this side of themselves, at least publicly.

The action of slut-shaming is a form of social punishment and an aspect of sexism, which unfortunately goes on unabated. This is partly due to the tendency to minimise accusations of sexism and to reframe misogyny as “acceptable”, yet, slut-shaming is one of the most virulent forms of hate speech.

Weaponised

The word “slut” and its many variations like whore, remains a powerful force in the hands of those who want to degrade women and shame them into submission.

This word wields a severe warning that one’s behaviour as a female is approaching a point of no return, where the worst things may be visited upon her with little to no protection or recourse.

The fear of being labelled a “slut” or“whore” lives in almost every woman and shapes her life choices in ways she might be unaware of. A woman’s freedom of movement and expression can be curtailed if she is perceived as a “slut” or “whore”.

What exacerbates the situation for women is that the definitions of the word slut have over the years spawned into many re-definitions.

Among a plethora of behaviour that can see a woman being labelled a slut are; if she is speaking for her rights or against injustice, if she is politically active or voices her desires, or helps others in doing the same.

A woman can also be considered a slut if she is autonomous and exercises urgency, or if she survives any onslaught and is self-affirming. There are many reasons for women to be labelled a slut these days — some as unbelievable as filing a sexual harassment complaint or“daring”to enter a field of competence or industry which is dominated by men.

Such re-definitions are as problematic as they are numerous. They punish assertiveness and agency in women.

Challenging the status quo

Slut-shaming is also an apt description of the undermining and gossip campaigns that have ruined women’s careers and lives and deterred them from seeking positions where slut-shaming might be a penalty.

Experts say for the label to become more than an accusation we need to agree that such attacks are an actual problem.

It is one thing to observe that there is a double standard at play that disproportionately sabotages women, it is quite another to challenge and then change a culture that is fixated on women’s bodies and what is done with them.

Yet, to challenge the status quo is exactly what is needed.

◆ Maggie Mzumara is a leadership, communication and media strategist as well as corporate trainer. She advocates women leadership and is founder of Success in Stilettos (SiS) Seminar Series, a leadership development platform for women. Contact her on maimzumara@yahoo.com or follow on Twitter @magsmzumara