Exploring traditional, modern marriages
FROM time immemorial, the marriage institution has been respected and it is the one that has brought about the notion of kinsmen. In his book “Perspectives on Today’s Marriage: Real Versus Ideal”, Cletus Eliakem Matoma explores the whole marriage institution, looking at its traditional version, as well as the metamorphosis it has gone through thus far.
With unions outside Zimbabwe and Africa, and the different influences arising from cross-cultural mingling, we now find an entirely different version and view of marriage.
The book covers a broad spectrum of marriage issues, “stretching from a global view of marriage challenges to the profound significance of marriage to humanity. The writer focused on young people, especially those who are preparing to get into marriage, couples who are facing marital challenges and even those that are currently enjoying their marriages”, according to the foreword. (p5)
Ideally, when two distinct individuals get together, there is need to adjust, taking in one partner’s desires.
There is need to “give and take” for the union to subsist, otherwise it will forever be under threat of dissolution.
“It should be remembered that marriage is for two unique partners who are prepared to accommodate each other through compromise and sacrifice of personal interests and goals to safeguard their marriages.” (p6)
If a marriage is not one between two “unique partners”, it is bound to fail and is often-times marred by violence and other vices such as infidelity.
“The sad reality is that marital conflict affects women and children most. An analysis carried out by the United Nations in 2020, revealed that in a year, 243 million females between the ages of 15 years and 49 years worldwide were subjected to sexual or physical violence by their intimate partners.” (p12)
The writer tries to explore reasons for the gradual erosion of the serenity associated with traditional marriage, tying it up with the focus on the individual, which is dictated by post-modernity.
“Postmodernity promotes ‘individualism’, thus protection of the rights of individuals.
When rights of individuals are raised, values of social institutions such as marriage and family automatically fall away. In the same dimension, prehistoric marriage principles which are supposed to be guiding principles for the same institution are despised and shunned in the postmodern social arena.” (p16)
The author seems to question the basis of some individual rights and the strain they have put on the traditional marriage, especially freedoms such as gay rights, which have not found easy penetration into African and other similar conservative cultures.
In Zimbabwe, same-sex marriages are not permissible at law.
“Yet from the Judeo-Christian and African traditional perspectives, marriage is governed by principles and values. In these perspectives, homosexuality is understood as a social deviation to be discouraged and avoided.” (p23)
“Acceptable post-modern marriage values should find their way into the existing cultural and traditional marriage systems; while those practices which deviate from fundamental marriage principles should be shunned.” (p16)
The author concedes that when marriage principles are compromised, sex matters immediately become liberalised, and this liberalisation has destroyed the essence and value of intimacy.
It has been worsened by the growing popularity of contraceptive use that is affecting almost all age groups, including the young who were hitherto never expected to dabble in such matters traditionally.
As a result, too many premarital and extramarital sexual relationships are taking place today — symptoms of a decaying moral fabric.
A serene marriage emanates from mutual respect between couples. This includes respect for the wealth offered by diverse views. Where couples are intolerant of one another, chaos is an inevitable consequence.
“Marriage is such a fragile relationship that it can be easily broken by careless and insensitive talk. A casual discussion can loosely degenerate into a heated war of words if couples do not practise caution with words. In a worst case scenario, thoughtless talk sometimes leads into fistfights thereby leading to chaos in homes.” (p86)
For the author, a Mt Darwin-based animal health expert, marriage is made by God and it symbolises a much bigger picture — that of the union between Jesus Christ and the church.