Dog dispute takes nasty turn
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 40-year-old married father of three teenage children. We are a family of animal lovers, and we have two lovely pedigree dogs. My neighbour has a female dog.
When his dog was in heat, ours escaped through a broken precast wall opening and went on to mate with the canine next door. To cut a long story short, Amai, my neighbour’s dog now has eight cute puppies.
Most of them look like my dog and I feel entitled to get my share. We all know what happened between our dogs, but my neighbour is adamant; he does not want to give in to my request. He is selling the puppies and wants me to buy if I am interested. We had an exchange of harsh words and do not see eye to eye anymore. He asked why I approached him as if my dog paid lobola in the first place. How can I make this guy see sense?
Response
Dear writer, thank you for reaching out to me. I am very well and thanks for asking. I wish you had touched on the relationship that existed between you and your neighbour prior to this incident. The details help when I respond to your letters.
As much as you are animal lovers, I urge you to respect each other and interact like mature adults. After the dogs mated, did you come to any form of a written or verbal agreement? Does your neighbour know that selling puppies without a breeding licence is against the law?
He may be brought to book for doing that. Animals will be animals, so why do you feel you are entitled to some puppies?
Is it because yours is a pedigree breed? There is no need for you to be at each other’s throats.
You are neighbours, and in times of crisis, you are each other’s first line of response. Sit down and forgive each other. Ask for a puppy or two. I am sure it can be considered a gesture of good will among neighbours. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I am a happily married father of three kids. My wife is the eldest female among her siblings. She has two sisters and three brothers. This automatically makes me the eldest son-in-law and brother-in-law.
I am writing to complain about a particular brother-in-law of mine. Generally, we get on well, but he now takes me as his runner. For most of the things he wants done, he calls for my assistance. He does not ask whether I am busy or not.
He now commands me and puts deadlines to these tasks, which is making me angry.
At times, I end up asking other people to help, and I pay them out of my pocket. I asked my wife to tell her brother that I am not the only mukuwasha in this family, and that I am not his runner.
Her response made it worse. She said it was none of her business and I am in this predicament because I want to be “a good boy”. I am fed up. How do I resolve this?
Response
Hello writer. It is refreshing to hear about happy marriages. Keep the fire burning. Please, do not drag your wife into your issue with her brother.
She is actually between the devil and the deep blue sea. You are both precious people in her life; do not force her to take sides. I do not understand why you are suffering in silence. You should not go around in circles. Bite the bullet and call a spade a spade. I do not think you are being taken for a runner. In his view, you may be his right-hand man and he trusts you very much with his work because you deliver perfect results.
Do not spoil the relationship you have by trying to send messages to him through other people, your wife included. Tell him point-blank what you can do and what you cannot commit to.
When you are busy, let him know, instead of paying people to do it on your behalf privately. It is not sustainable. That is why you now feel the pinch. Articulate your issues clearly. Please, keep me posted.
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I am a 24-year-old woman and I have been dating a guy for the past two years, but he is weird at times. He is 28 and we are both gainfully employed. He comes to my apartment any time, any day, and he is comfortable with the environment.
My problem is he has stipulated times and days when I can visit his place. I tried to gatecrash twice, but he never opened his gate, although I could see his car parked outside. In addition, his lights were on in the house.
I sent messages that were blue-ticked, telling him that I was by the gate, to no avail. Is this normal for people in a relationship? I was very upset and asked why. He said he has dedicated the other times to his schoolwork.
He is doing a master’s programme and he does not want to be disturbed.
The other problem is he becomes uneasy each time I talk about marriage. Do you think he will marry me? Amai, is there any hope for the future with this guy?
Response
You could be right that he is strange in some ways. Where there is smoke, there is fire. You say he is strict with his timetable, so why does he visit you whenever he feels like it?
Does he break his own schedule when it only suits him? Why was he not moved when you stood by his gate knocking? What if you were in trouble, sick or looking for immediate assistance?
It seems there is no reciprocity in this relationship. Why do you give him the freedom that he does not afford you? You sound desperate for marriage. I cannot foretell whether he will marry you or not but I do know that great haste makes great waste.
My million-dollar question to you is: What are you looking for in this relationship? Are you dating to marry or love? Trust and companionship are also important factors. Think deeply on this. I wish you all the best.