Give us a break when we go out
I ENDED up leaving the bar early last Sunday, before quaffing as many beers as I needed to wind down after a hard working week.
Not that there was anything wrong with the temperature, but it was because of an acquaintance who kept begging for one more, even when I made it clear to him I did not have much on me.
When I roasted a piece of pork, he encircled it like a vulture, leaving me biting the shorter end of the salty chew.
To make matters worse, the bloke, who was drinking much faster than his “sponsor”, was cracking dry jokes and kept patting my shoulder in a way that made me leave earlier than I had planned.
Only God knows how a whole father figure like him would leave his house to bother those of our ilk who had enough financial muscle to down cold ones and titillate the taste buds.
Welcome to the world of booze, where people gather for a drink, braai and even a dance to while away time.
What, however, spoils the party are poachers, who are commonly referred to as “choppers”, “parasites”, “weeds”, “drains” and “sponges”, among a host of names. These characters cut across all age groups, gender and sexes.
Once you exhibit elements of being friendly, talkative and accommodative, you are sure to fall prey to these characters.
No matter you would have met for the first time, parasites will sound as if you have known each other for a long time. They waste no time in asking for a drink or a puff. It is worse if you grew up with the characters or if they happen to know your siblings.
“Oh, my younger brother, I am glad to have seen you after a very long time. I must say your gait is similar to that of your late father, who had a good heart. When your father was alive, we never grew thirsty. He always ensured we had something to clear our throats, so please, do something,” the characters will tell you straight to the face.
Female “choppers” will tell you how handsome you look and how suitable you are to marry them or their relatives.
“You are so charming that I will not mind knowing you deeper and clearer. If you have no interest in me, I can even organise my sister for you because jewels like you are rare. You are a handsome man who deserves the best the world has to offer,” the women will tell you before drinking as much as they can on your account.
Some parasites make sure they know your totem and recite it perfectly so that you feel obliged to buy them as many beers as they want.
If you are looking for accommodation, a car wash or any other service, they will pretend to be well-connected and ready to link you up with people who can give you the best deal possible yet all this time, you will be wetting their throats.
“Accommodation is not a problem, my brother. I have a sister overseas and she has a lot of apartments that she is renting out. Once you are serious, please let me know so that I can give you a perfect place to stay with your young family.
“I know young people like you need secure apartments that neither have water nor electricity challenges. I will deliver just that for you my brother. We are one people and let us drink together,” some of these people will tell you.
Giving such characters your phone number is worse than committing a crime. They will call you relentlessly and make sure they glean something from you each time you meet.
Bars are exciting places to spend time in, but beware of poachers.
Inotambika mughetto.