Kids won’t visit paternal grandparents
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your Sunday Mail column. I am a married woman blessed with two sons aged nine and 11.
My husband is a great guy and we try as much as possible to work together and give our children a good upbringing.
We want our children to get to know both our families.
We devised a method where they go to my family for a weekend or brief holiday and then the next time they go to their father’s side.
A fortnight ago, they were supposed to have gone to my in-laws’ house, but they both cried and refused to go. We tried to find out why but they never said anything. The younger one said from now on, they would only go to my parents’ place.
This made me very uncomfortable because I also do not know why they said this.
My husband said we should look into this carefully. Amai, how do we do this without stepping on my in-laws’ toes? My fear is someone will end up blaming me or us as a couple for influencing the kids and yet we are innocent.
Response
Hello writer and thank you for following the column. I would like to commend you for making efforts that allow your children to know both sides of the family.
Their decision to refuse visiting your in-laws is strange. Judging from their ages, it is strange that the kids came up to this conclusion by themselves.
My guess is that something happened. If you have failed to get it out of your kids, you may need to rope in a child psychologist or someone the two may feel comfortable confiding in.
Whatever it is, it needs to be resolved. I would avoid jumping the gun and approaching your in-laws if you do not know what it is.
It could be something sincere or a silly reason; children are unpredictable. Do your due diligence and you will get to the bottom of it. I wish you luck.
**************** I bit off more than I could chew
I find myself in a quandary. I am in a relationship, but I strayed and began cheating.
When I was fed up with it, I came clean and told this other woman that I was cheating on my partner. Now, she is pestering me and refusing to let go. I want to try and make my old relationship work. Please help me. I know what I did was wrong.
Response
This is a very difficult situation. What drove you to cheat and what made you fed up with this other woman?
This is what happens when you play with emotions.
I do not think you care about either of these women because your actions are self-seeking.
You must also come clean to your long-term partner. Her healing may then begin.
Ultimately, it may be up to her to decide if she wants to continue being in a relationship with you or not.
Regarding the other woman, you need to stand your ground and tell her it is really over.
Was she aware you were in another relationship? Multiple partner setups are not good in the wake of sexually transmitted infections and HIV.
I think you and your partner also need professional counselling. Come clean and try to work through it. I hope seeing what cheating brings about will dissuade you from doing it again.
**************** My girlfriend is obsessed with marriage
I am a 21-year-old student and I am in love with a lady aged 22. I love her with all my heart. However, I cannot stand the pressure she is putting on me for us to get married as soon as possible.
I told her I need to complete my degree first. I also do not have the money to do it now. She stays with her parents and is not employed.
A few months ago, I discovered that she was cheating on me with another guy from her neighbourhood.
We had a verbal fight. She claims she was trying to date someone with the capacity to marry her soon. Amai, I am very upset about this and I really do not know what to do. I can no longer trust her and it is affecting my schoolwork.
Response
You are both very young and not yet financially stable. Diving head first into something like marriage does not appear to be the right move now.
To be honest, I do not even think your girlfriend truly loves you, but rather is infatuated with the idea of marriage.
The fact that she cheated on you, as she looked for someone else who would marry her, is alarming.
What is the rush? Is she pregnant? If so, there are avenues through which such situations can be handled. Do not let it affect your schoolwork. In all honesty, I think you must set her free so that she can pursue her goal of marriage.
Work on yourself and prioritise relationships that grow at a natural pace. You have a lot to learn and a bright future ahead of you. Do not rush into something you may regret. Great haste makes great waste.