Ex-lover dating my friend

Hello Amai. I hope I find you well. I am a 16-year-old boy and I was madly in love with a girl from school for about a year or so. We got along very well and she was generous. She would even spoil me from time to time.

The problem started when she, out of the blue, told me that she no longer wanted to be with me. I was disappointed, but I accepted it, nonetheless.

One of my friends asked if it was okay for him to date her and I said yes. I wish I had said no because now, I cannot stand seeing them together. I have become overcome with jealousy. Please, help me figure a way out of this mess.

Response

Greetings dear writer. You are only 16 and you are talking about being in a relationship. I think you are just finding yourself. I hope these encounters are innocent for both you and this girl. If you felt so strongly about your friend pursuing your ex, then you should have been more vocal about it. You are in this situation because of yourself. Your relationship ended as easily as it began.

Luckily, you are still young and have all the time in the world to develop and understand what true love is. This is a puppy love affair and it will do you a great deal to move on.

I hope your friend and this girl take it easy as well. They are still children. Focus on school and do not be in a rush to grow up. You will miss these days of your life. I wish you well.

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At 17, am I too young to have boyfriend?

Amai makadii? I am a 17-year-old girl and I am still in high school. I have written to you because my father vanochengera; he is overprotective. As such, I am suffering from lack of freedom. I have never given him a reason to doubt me. I am not allowed to have a boyfriend, but I feel it is a good thing to have one.

My father gives endless lectures about how boys are not good for me. This irritates me so much that I am planning to tell him to stop it one day. Whenever he sees me talking to a guy, he always asks me who he is and what he wanted. Is this normal? How I can get him to stop that habit?

Response

Ndinofara zvangu. At 17, I know it must be frustrating, especially for you because you are at that age when you begin to interact more and more with members of the opposite sex.

Your father is being overprotective because you are still under his roof. He is scared and wants nothing to ruin the future he has in mind for you. However, he is going about it the wrong way. Endless lectures, rules and frequent interrogations are not helpful enough.

Where is your mother in all this? You never mentioned if she is in the picture or not. Tell your father you would like to speak to another woman about these issues.

It could be your mother or aunt. Chances are they will take a softer approach and guide you better because they have been in your position before.

Growing up is scary but your father has to trust you to make the right decisions, especially considering that he is not always with you.

I will tell you what I told another writer. You are young and still finding yourself.

Try not to grow up too fast and take it one step at a time. As for whether you are old enough to have a boyfriend or not, that remains to be determined. Boys of your age are just as confused and unsure as you, so do not expect much. I hope, after you have spoken to female relatives, your father will loosen up.

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Parents want me to leave hubby

Dear Amai. I am a young woman who is facing relationship problems. Poverty mainly explains why things are the way they are.

My husband and I moved to his parents’ place because we were struggling, as he was unemployed. His mother was, however, problematic. She would spread falsehoods about me in the neighbourhood.

I was pregnant at the time and ended up having to go into labour. Afterwards, I went to stay with my mother while I recovered. In a fit of rage, my mother-in-law said she did not want to see me again.

My parents have advised me to end the relationship with my husband, saying he is good for nothing.

I now work as a househelp and my child stays with my aunt in Chitungwiza. My husband is also staying there. He is still unemployed. I do not want to end our relationship. What must I do?

Response

Hello writer and thanks for writing in. Your husband is really struggling and from the looks of it, he is destitute. Leaving someone because he is going through a rough patch goes against marriage vows that state the need to stick together for better or for worse.

My question is: Has this guy ever been able to stand on his feet? He is bouncing from house to house without a job. Was he ever gainfully employed?

When you select a partner, you must always try to look for someone who offers a bit of security. So much may be avoided if someone is financially secure.

Your parents want you to leave him while his mother will not even sit down with you. He is powerless in all this. Fortunately, relationships are for two people. You and your husband must decide what is best for you.

As far as career prospects are concerned, the situation is tough given the economic challenges facing the country.

He really has to think outside the box if he has to find a source of income. Concerning your mother in-law, try to rope in her brothers and sisters so that you sit down and resolve your differences.

You are a family and need each other. They gave you a place to stay when you did not have anywhere to go. That must never be overlooked. I wish you all the best.