Mother wreaks havoc in my marriage
‘January disease’ is upon us
BELOW are some of the most interesting letters sent by our readers last year.
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I am aged 34 and my wife is 28. We have been married for three years and we stay with my parents.
The relationship between my spouse and my mother is a nightmare as the two are always at each other’s throat. My mum always reminds her that she is just as good as a lodger.
I feel trapped when these two start arguing. Even my father says he is tired.
My wife and I are gainfully employed and we take care of my parents because they are both retired.
My brother, who used to stay at home, left with his family for the same reason. Now, they rarely come home.
If we leave, who will take care of them? My brother and I are their only children.
I feel sorry for my wife because some of the things mum says are uncalled for.
This is now affecting my marriage and my relationship with my in-laws, who are nothing but good to me. When my wife does things for me, my mum tells her off and says they are substandard.
My mother is a problem, even my dad is henpecked. How do I get around this? We all want peace.
Response
Your issue is rather straightforward. You need to move. If your other sibling could do it, why can’t you? Keeping the peace is important and this will be a big step in the right direction.
Try to get your sibling to pitch in towards setting up a fund for their upkeep. Also, get them a helper. It is a shame this is what it has come to but it has to be done
***************** Dating a pastor is boring
I am dating a divorced pastor who is always moody and very arrogant. We have a 14-year age difference, which I am not very comfortable with.
My problem is he does not show
BARELY had I alighted from my vehicle after parking at Chitubu Shopping Centre in Glen Norah, Harare, on Christmas Day than I was swarmed by countless guzzlers keen to bum money from me for cigarettes and booze.
“I worship a living God, my brother. I was just about to go home after finishing the only quart I had, only to see you driving in.
“I just need one ice-cold one from you so that I can be merry,” said one of the blokes.
Before he left, I was approached by an old friend seeking loose change to buy cigarettes. love at all; we hardly have any fun. Our correspondence leaves a lot to be desired.
If I do not call or text him, he keeps quiet; there is no reciprocation at all. I am also a pastor but in a different denomination.
Amai, what I fail to understand is this person wants us to be married as soon as possible. Please advise me.
Response
They say age is just a number but here it seems to be a real problem. The definition of fun is different for both of you.
“Ingondisoterawo yemusvuto chete ndimbofuridzawo kahutsi,” he pleaded, leaving me with no choice but to drive away.
All this came as I received a record 100 calls from a builder and a carpenter who were now offering their services for less than half the amount they had initially quoted me so that they would have cash to spend over the holidays.
“I can come to your house and fix all the challenges you explained to me for less than 50 percent of the money that I initially quoted because this is a holiday and I fully understand that you are also cash-squeezed.
“We are children of the ghetto and in times of calamity, we should always be ready to assist one another.
Since he is a divorcee, perhaps he feels he has seen it all. Why not go for counselling?
You need a mediator to try to resolve this. The lack of communication and effort on his part is also a cause for concern.
***************** I want to follow my passion
Thank you so much for The Sunday Mail column.
I am an 18-year-old high school learner. I love arts subjects and related programmes with a passion,
Tongorova chigwirizano kuti zvifambe,” he said.
When I shared the experience with workmates after Christmas, they told me that they, too, had faced the same situation, including at the hands of siblings and relatives.
“People have generally become selfish.
“Each time you receive a call, expect to hear the person on the other end making an offer that directly benefits them.
“You are immediately told of how close you are as family members, and given reasons that make you appear foolish for not rescuing them.
“Some unreasonable siblings will bring along more than 10 people when paying a visit and still expect but I do not get any support from my parents.
They want me to be a medical doctor because I am also doing well in sciences.
Inasmuch as I need their input, I do not want to be forced into doing something that I am not passionate about.
With all due respect, I think it is a boring job and more of a vocation.
When I visualise my future, I see myself as a great musician. I love the entertainment industry.
Each time we talk about this, I end up having verbal fights with my parents. It is unfortunate that to eat, drink and sleep comfortably, even though they do not contribute anything for the duration of their stay,” a workmate told this writer.
Attempts to try and make the offending party understand the follies of their decision is often received with disdain and/or accusations of witchcraft.
“The moment you remind someone that it is wrong to bring along many people when visiting, you are attacked and accused of being heartless.
“Your wife is then also accused of lacing your food with magical potions to dislike your relatives in favour of hers,” he said.
As I commit pen to paper, gentle reader, the “January disease” season, they think I am getting this influence from bad friends, especially marasta.
How do I make them understand? I am the only boy and the last-born in a family of five.
Response
Greetings young writer. I am glad that you are doing well in school. It is important to follow your passion, as well as strike a balance with your parents.
Which school do you go to? Is career guidance available? If so, the counsellor must have a sit-down with your parents and explore the options available.
They may be hanging on to the medical doctor dream because they are not aware of the new opportunities in the arts sector or other emerging markets. It is important to be well-informed before making a choice. Marasta haana chaatadza.
Push for this idea even if it means finding an external career guidance counsellor.
I am sure there is a path that can leave both you and your parents in a good space. Keep excelling in your academics. The sky is the limit!
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Feedback: maichisamba@fb.net; 0771415474
when people generally do not have disposable incomes, is loading and doing so fast.
Fires that had become a common feature at most shopping centres in the run-up to Christmas have died down.
People have adjusted to the reality of having to prioritise school fees, uniforms and sundries for their children.
It is even worse this year because the rains have been erratic and there are no pumpkin leaves and other flying insects to turn to for relish.
Gentle reader, sticking to one’s budget is a good way of keeping yourself out of debt at any time of the year.
Controlling your holiday spending is an essential aspect of a healthy financial life.
Inotambika mughetto.