The pain of being a leader
face value, AT leadership is a word associated with power, influence and success.
But the reality can be very different. Things are not always what they seem. While leadership offers immense rewards, it also comes with unique challenges and burdens that are often unseen and unacknowledged.
There is a certain pain that comes with leadership and if not managed, it can be detrimental.
The burden of responsibility
Leaders carry the weight of decisions that impact not just themselves but entire teams, organisations or communities.
The pressure that comes with leadership can be emotionally draining.
The anxiety that some leaders carry and the fear of failure can be huge.
But who exactly needs who? Is it the leader who needs followers the most or are the followers the ones who need the leader more?
I believe the answer to these questions is that both parties equally need each other. The biblical story of Moses, in the book of Exodus 17:8, provides some insights.
Moses came to a point of getting tired as a leader and it is the support of Aaron and Hur that sustained him, while Joshua kept fighting. The teamwork that is shown in this scripture is amazing. There was great collaboration in this team, which comprised the leader, the executor and supporters. In the end, they were all victorious.
The challenges faced by leaders include the following:
◆ Loneliness — Leaders often find themselves isolated, navigating complex situations without the luxury of confiding in many people due to the judgemental nature of human beings. Sharing doubts or vulnerabilities can be misconstrued as a weakness, making it difficult to find true confidantes and emotional support systems. The isolation can lead to disconnection even amid a sea of people. ◆ Criticism — Leaders are constantly under scrutiny, with every move dissected and judged. Public criticism, whether constructive or not, can sting and can feel like betrayal of trust depending on who is criticising. Learning to navigate the tight rope of criticism and remaining open to feedback while protecting your self-worth requires immense emotional resilience. Unspoken suffering — Perhaps the most profound pain of leadership is the weight of carrying unseen pain and unspoken suffering. Leaders are generally expected to project strength and optimism even when dealing with internal struggles and personal losses. Bottling up these emotions can create a heavy internal conflict that impacts the physical and mental health of the leader, which can potentially spill over to followers.
Organisational status
One of the challenges in many organisations is that of having divided teams. Silos are so strong in many organisations and if not managed, they can affect the vision.
Instead of winning as teams, people focus much on winning as individuals. The desire to be on top often causes some team members to step on others.
It is often said “the higher you go, the cooler it becomes”.
It is better to be found on top as a team than as an individual, because when it gets cold, teams can warm one another and survive.
Employees and managers alike need to work together to achieve group victories more than individual winnings.
Managers should learn to communicate effectively with their teams, especially in areas that need help, so that the latter will know how to support.
Employees should also understand that managers do not necessarily have all the answers; they can equally contribute towards solutions to problems being faced.
Leaders, take note! Acknowledging the pain of leadership is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of self-awareness and accepting that everyone is vulnerable.
By openly discussing challenges, you can foster a more supportive environment, break down the isolation barrier and encourage open communication with teams. Sometimes followers are very keen to support but they might not know how to do it.
The ability to lead with authenticity, acknowledging your humanity and the struggles you face, can resonate with others and create a more genuine connection.
You do not have to be a superhero; you only have to be an authentic leader. You also need mentors, coaches or trusted colleagues whom you seek help from in dealing with the complexities of leadership. These mentors will also help find healthy ways to cope with inherent pain. Leadership is a complex journey filled with both rewards and challenges.
Leadership is also associated with either success or failure, enjoyment or pain.
The side on which you fall depends on the kind of leader you choose to be. Leadership is a continuous journey. Each season comes with its own challenges. Leaders and followers can learn from one another for the greater good of those involved.