Taking care of Mum

When was your mum diagnosed with diabetes, Nick?

Mum was diagnosed when she was pregnant, but went on to develop type 2. She lived with diabetes for 43 years, until she passed away last year at 73.

I am an only child and she raised me on her own, so we were very close. Growing up, I was conscious of her diabetes, but she just went about her daily routine.

When Mum was diagnosed, no-one else in the family had diabetes, but one of her sisters and her brother also got diabetes.

Mum always went to check-ups at the doctor and monitored her blood glucose levels (BGLs). I knew she took tablets for her diabetes; she was careful to do exactly what the doctor told her.

About 12 years ago her diabetes got worse. Her specialist said tablets were no longer working and she had to start taking insulin. She took it hard, because she knew her life would change. But she knew she had no choice.

What part of living with diabetes did your mum struggle with the most?

Mum was never the slimmest lady, but within a month of starting insulin she put on a lot of weight. She had been a smoker and stopped at that time, too, so maybe that contributed to her weight gain as well.

Mum always had a sweet tooth and she loved baking and making sweets. But she was always conscious of what she could and couldn’t eat. She would only have a treat, like a big slice of cake, on special occasions. Her experience has left me more conscious about what I eat and how much I eat. Mum drilled it into me, and now I’m even more aware of the dangers. My wife and I are very conscious of what our children eat; we try to avoid processed food and too much sugar. But I miss Mum’s cooking. Mum lived alone from when I moved out in my late twenties. But she would cook as though I was still there. I would regularly check on her and she always had something delicious for me in the oven or the fridge.

Mum was born in Greece and she cooked many traditional Greek dishes. She spent a lot of time cooking chicken, pastas and vegetarian dishes. Everybody loved her cheese and spinach triangles. She always made chicken soup for Easter.

As a much-adored only child, Nick Glavas became the sole carer for his mum Chrysoula as her health deteriorated with long-term complications from her type 2 diabetes

Even when she was very unwell, just before she went into the nursing home, she made her chicken soup. I will always remember having that soup together during her last Easter.

How did your mum cope with her declining health?

For a few years after I moved out, she was fine. She would walk to the shopping centre and catch public transport to see the doctor. But then she started to have trouble with her legs. She was a short lady and was having trouble stepping up to the kerb.

I could see it was dangerous for her to go out on her own. She wanted to be independent, but she became a lot more dependent on me. For the next 10 years, I would drive her where she needed to go, usually on my way to or from work. And I would spend Saturday doing her shopping and her washing and cleaning her apartment. She was a proud lady and felt bad taking up so much of my time. She used to say “You are supposed to be with your wife and your family, but you are here”. I was very lucky to have a very good relationship with my wife, Kathy. She has always stood by and supported me. She knew I had to be there for my mum.

Because Mum was walking less, she started putting on weight and her different health issues seemed to have this domino effect. As she got sicker, it was hard to know what might have been caused by her diabetes, or whether it was something else.

She had polycystic kidney disease and high blood pressure, bowel complications and then she had an emergency operation to remove a hernia. She was in hospital for a couple of months recovering. Her leg and hip problems got worse. So she moved in with my family for a couple of months before we got her respite care.

Did she adjust well to that change?

She wanted to go back home, against my wishes. Mum always wanted to be independent and didn’t like the idea of a nursing home. So I took her back home, but within a few months it was clear she needed to go into care.

She was in a good routine with taking all of her medicine and was still jabbing herself once a day with insulin, which was all she needed. But her kidneys weren’t functioning and she had refused dialysis. The toxins were building up in her blood, which affected her energy. She felt very helpless. She was frustrated and started having mood swings, because she wasn’t able to enjoy her grandchildren. She knew she couldn’t go out because she might have a fall, or not make it to the toilet.

I tried everything to make her comfortable – different doctors and second opinions, natural therapies – but that would frustrate her as well. Deep down, she knew nothing could help.

And she knew what was coming.

Mum was totally aware of what was going on. She was offered a place in a nursing home, which she took, but then changed her mind. I accepted her wishes and kept visiting her twice every day during the week, and as much as I could on weekends. I had homecare to support her for a few hours a day, three days a week, but I could see it wasn’t going to be enough. Then she got offered another nursing home place.

I said if you don’t take this, you’ll be on another waiting list and we might not get this chance again. She wasn’t in the nursing home for very long before she passed.

Did caring for your mum take a toll on you?

Growing up, Mum was all I had, so when she needed me I couldn’t leave her on her own. I’m sure there are people out there who are left totally alone, but I wouldn’t do it to anybody.

Sometimes I think back and wonder ‘How did I juggle it all?’ – my family, our two little girls, work and trying to take care of Mum. But it never bothered me. I guess it was part of my routine.

It all became a lot harder after I had lost Mum and that routine stopped all of a sudden. On my first Saturday without her, I sat around and I felt lost, wondering what to do. I always say a baby needs its parents, and when the parents are old they need their family for support. That really makes sense to me now.

My wife Kathy has always stood by me. She knew I had to be there for my mum.

– Nick Glavas