MAJOR MILESTONES
Even for those not keen on embracing and marking important milestones, the events of the past year have influenced the way we think, demonstrating the value of celebrating achievements with those who are dear to us.
The past year has revealed the value of celebrating achievements with loved ones.
One minute to midnight. It was New Year’s Eve 1999 and everyone on the planet was holding their breath, worried, wondering if the world would survive, if its inner workings would still function, if elevators would still climb and microwaves still cook, and bank accounts not suddenly evaporate into thin air.
The global computer glitch turned out to be a non-starter. But I had my own, more personal Y2K bug. Suddenly single again after eight years, my inner workings were most definitely not functioning. So, when the clock struck twelve and there were whoops and cheers and kisses, the hole in my heart sank through the floor all the way to China. There’s nothing like a party to make you feel alone.
My best friend, Aly, was in love with her new man and after they were done smooching, she came over and gave me a hug. “At least you’ve still got your health,” she said grinning. She was being playful because on top of everything else. I was nursing a bad cold – talk about your body expressing your feelings. She wandered back into the party and I went home and cried.
We eventually drifted into different circles, Aly and I, and the following New Year’s Eve I was dating a woman with hazel eyes. She and I fell into a band of friends, The Usual Suspects
– so named because for the next 20 years we were to do everything with them, including gathering for December 31. The same dozen friends, the same stories growing taller with every telling, the same songs on the hi-fi driving us to midnight.
MUSICAL MEANING
Whenever I hear the Hunters and Collectors, Throw Your Arms Around Me, I’m instantly transported to our NYEs. It’s a tradition, the night is stamped with that song. As soon as it comes on the radio, whether I’m in a heated negotiation with an adolescent, or stewing over a work problem, or just chopping vegetables, I can, as clear as day, see our Usual Suspects’ year’s ends laid out across the decades.
The very first announcement of a baby by our hosts – and at midnight! The reckless trampoline cavorting resulting in a series of sprains in adults who should have known better, a tangle of kids asleep on the couch by 10pm, the unexpected diagnoses, losses, recoveries, the career and relationship changes, the loud ’90s music generating eye rolls in our now-adult children. It may just be a date on a calendar, but it is also a punctuation, a semicolon – take a breath then proceed – in our messy lives, encouraging us to rejoice in our long and complicated life-stories, the joys and the tragedies.
New Year’s Eves are more than just boozy revelry. They’re an opportunity to look back on the year passed and forward to the year ahead – where we’ve come from and where we’re going to, just like literal milestones. And I’m especially lucky because I get to do it with the people I love.
Milestones, public ones like NYEs, and the many other more personal ones, etch themselves into our minds. They become landmarks for our memories, cumulative waypoints, forming a roadmap of our lives. Pinning experiences to specific dates gives us a sense of the sweep of time, its rhythm and meter, and our place in it. It affords us a perspective, the long view, the sort of thing my father would call wisdom. Though hardly a religious man, he was fond of quasi-biblical sayings. All things come to pass, was a favourite as he’d sling his arm over my shoulders and then tell me my heartache would get better. With greying hair though, I’ve come to understand him as meaning that all things, good and bad, ebb and flow through our lives.
Last year had grim milestones in store for us – record numbers of infections, hospitalisations, and heartbreaking death counts – ones that will be held in the collective memory for generations.
For many, 2020 was a tragically hard road – a year for muted milestones and low-key celebrations. No jam-packed 18ths or teaming 21sts. No raucous bar mitzvahs or huge wedding receptions. We coped, but the absence of the usual parties brought into sharp focus the importance of sharing milestones. Human beings are social animals and celebrating important events together connects us to the significant others in our lives. Celebrations are a kind of social cement. Besides which, a joy shared is a joy multiplied.
Certainly, some milestones are more private. Relationship anniversaries or first steps or overcoming a personal adversity might deserve the intimacy of a small, select group or even a private celebration. But by and large, we like to mark our milestones with others, and with COVID-19 vaccines now beginning to be rolled out, we can hopefully look forward to a return to festivities.
FORGING CONNECTIONS
Not naturally predisposed to celebrating milestones, I’m now an ardent convert – one of the many lessons learnt from the important people in my life.
As sure as night follows day, there will be tough times ahead, so we deserve to celebrate the good ones. Also, milestones are meaningful to the people I care about, and rejoicing with them binds them to me. I ran into Aly last December. We’d bumped into each other before, fleeting pleasantries and inquiries about kids and partners, but this time we found ourselves falling into our old patter and, like two seasoned travellers, we compared our journeys. The ups and downs, the stormy waters, the hard yards and blessedly, the grassy fields. I forgot how much she used to me laugh, especially at our misfortunes, and I missed her all over again.
When I look back at that dreaded millennium NYE I still shudder, but from where I’m standing today, I see it as a turning point, a milestone. One that steered me to the next milestone and the one after that, and finally to here. And, right now, right here is not a bad place at all.
I’ve got a bundle to be thankful for. And that’s worth celebrating.