SEEKING SOBRIETY
Caroline Bellenger quit alcohol over a decade ago and was able to create an inspiring new life for herself and her son as a single mother.
When Caroline Bellenger discovered alcohol, she didn’t realise it would take over her life for more than two decades. “I first started drinking at university, mostly to have confidence in a social setting and to be accepted by the popular crowd on campus,” she says.
When she dropped out during her second year to escape family-related abuse, she spent the next decade travelling and living up to her party-girl status.
“I partied most nights of the week, drank excessively and even took drugs, and that social lifestyle meant I didn’t have to deal with my insecurities and low self-esteem. “Substance abuse essentially became my cover and the self-medication that got me through my mental and emotional health challenges.”
At 23, she made her first attempt at sobriety.
“I would take sick days off from work to recover from a hangover, crashed my car from drink-driving time and again, and I even broke my ankle after a drunken night out dancing, so I knew something had to change,” she says.
“I entered a two-week rehab programme and when I returned home, I was able to remain sober for over a year, but my emotions got the best of me, and I found solace in the bottle once again.”
By age 32, she was consuming a bottle of wine every night and when she found out she was five months pregnant, she decided to give the baby up for adoption, as she believed she wouldn’t make a good mother due to her addictions.
Surprisingly, when her son Amadeus was born, she changed her mind and decided to raise him as a single mother. For support she moved in with her parents, but unfortunately 12 months later her father passed away from cancer. “My drinking escalated around this time. I hated being a mum, I was depressed over my father, I had no social life, my whole world seemed to have fallen apart and drinking became my coping mechanism,” she says. Bellenger’s drinking habits during the early years of single motherhood involved easily consuming two bottles of wine every night with the addition of a few glasses of champagne, some vodka shots, and a few cans of beer on weekends.
In the last couple of years prior to quitting, she also drank in the morning to deal with the tremors from alcohol withdrawal. Yet she was able to remain highly functional and hold down jobs, but not without downsides to her role as a mother. “I had blackouts constantly and I didn’t always wake up in the morning. Once my son had to go to the neighbours and they got an ambulance because I had passed out and he couldn’t wake me up. I also sometimes couldn’t remember if I’d fed him, but somehow, I always managed to get him dressed and he never missed school.”
MAKING THE CHANGE
Age 39, she finally realised she’d had enough of this way of life.
“I was literally exhausted and felt sick from the extreme drinking, and I had so much self-hatred and guilt around not being a better mother and that pushed me to get sober.”
So, in 2009 she checked herself into a six-month residential rehab program. In that therapeutic community she engaged in the 12-step program through Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings, including cognitive behavioural therapy, but it was mostly the interactions with other addicts that became her way of finding ways to remain sober when triggered emotionally.
“During that time and for first time in my life I explored and came to understand the patterns and behaviours that triggered me to drink,” she says.
To maintain her sobriety after returning home she avoided social functions that could tempt her to drink and found running long distances helped her deal with her mental health, but also changed her whole state of being.
Bellenger went back to university and received her Honours degree in social sciences, and eventually started her own gym, established an award-winning life and business coaching service in addition to writing a few books and speaking at various events.
“When I realised I had an addictive personality I shifted my focus towards learning how to be addictive towards healthy things and that has kept me sober for the last 13 years,” she says.
Her new way of life has meant that her son also became happier – they bonded over playing sport together. By meeting other people engaged in healthier lifestyles, she gradually turned from a night person into an early morning person who would get up at sunrise and enjoy a run. Another of her favourite habits is practising gratitude which is now a big part of her life. And from that practice there are two things that she’s most grateful for.
Foremost, the fact that she’s gained her life back.
“I love being a non-drinker because it’s positively impacted my life physically, mentally and emotionally and knowing that I can do anything in life now has been empowering,” she says.
Furthermore and importantly, the incredible relationship she’s developed with her son.
“I have this amazing 20-year-old son that I chat to every day, we never miss celebrating each other’s birthdays together, and we represented Australia in the Triathlon World Championships in 2019 in Switzerland,” says Bellenger. “Watching him shine in life and become a good human being is the greatest legacy I can leave in the world. And for that I understand that every experience in life, no matter how traumatic, can lead to success and joy if you never give up.”
“MY WHOLE WORLD SEEMED TO HAVE FALLEN APART.” CAROLINE BELLENGER