OVERCOMING CHALLENGES

Adult adoptees often experience trauma when trying to reconnect with their biological family. “The journey of searching for and then approaching your birth parents and extended birth family is complex, multilayered and full of emotional challenges that are sometimes difficult to predict and navigate,” says PJ Gill, National Practice Leader for the Adoption Service, Oranga Tamariki. Gill says trauma related to adoption can be complex, intergenerational and lifelong, with adoptees facing the challenge of integrating their birth and adoptive identity throughout their lifetime.

According to Gill, acknowledging and having an awareness of trauma is often a first necessary step in the healing process. Solutions may include seeking professional support from an adoption-competent therapist; finding a peer-led support group that can provide the opportunity to connect with other adoptees and share lived experiences; and keeping a reflective journal, a potentially helpful tool to capture thoughts and feelings as they arise.

Before approaching birth family members, recognise that as an adoptee, you have the right to search. So many different emotions can arise during this time – understand that they are all valid and normal.

When stepping into a reunion, go at your own pace. Everyone is different and there is no one way of managing it.

Find out about other people’s experiences of reunion through podcasts and books, and have a support network in place.

While you may have had time to prepare, the family member may not have had the same opportunity. Be prepared for a number of different responses that could arise.