Why women get more stressed than men We show you how to cope with being wired differently

The female brain takes the biggest health hit from stress, says new research – and women’s bodies get an especially hard wallop. That can be tough on a relationship too! Read on for the latest science on how everyone can feel calmer and happier.

“Women tend to provide emotional support to someone who’s stressed... men might offer advice or something tangible, like money or physical help.”

If you have been stressed out and ignoring it – isn’t everyone stressed right now? – it could be time to do something about it. That’s because even though you may be basically healthy, tension is doing its stealthy damage. The latest evidence? Researchers have just linked high levels of the stress hormone cortisol to brain shrinkage and impaired memory in healthy middle-aged adults.

And get this: the effect was more pronounced in women than in men. This new research does

underscore an important point. Though stress affects your whole body, ground zero is your brain. It’s not just the effects of cortisol – it’s that teeth-grinders like traffic jams, personal snubs and financial worries are perceived and interpreted by your grey matter. Fortunately, research focused on the brain is pointing to new, more effective ways to reduce your tension. But first, let’s drill down and see how and why your brain’s natural reactions make you more vulnerable to the zings and arrows of tension.

Stress and your ‘noggin’

Aspects of the brain’s design that served us well thousands of years ago now make us susceptible to negative emotions and mental fatigue, both of which ratchet up our stress, says the Mayo Clinic’s Dr Amit Sood, a world-leading expert in resilience and stress management.

Although our brains have evolved over time, “the speed of life today is the main stressor – it’s much faster than our brain’s ability to adapt,” Dr Sood says. And that means we often end up with too little time and too few resources to address what life throws at us, which adds to a diminishing sense of control over our lives. Perceived lack of control has been shown to be a huge source of stress. Dr Sood says three of the most challenging traps that frequently ensnare our brains are:

FOCUS PROBLEMS When giant predators roamed Earth, a scanning, outward-directed focus served us well. But today that focus is directed inward. Now, 80 per cent of the time, our minds are wandering, stuck in an unfocused state, even if we’re not aware of it. Studies have found that this state makes us less happy, and the unhappier we are, the more our attention wanders and our thoughts pile up. It’s like having a huge set of open files on your computer, Dr Sood says, only they’re in your brain, distracting you and demanding attention. Our tech dependence, a source of constant distraction, adds to our inability to focus.

FEAR Our survival depends on the ability of the brain (mostly the amygdala) to detect physical and emotional threats. Moments or events that elicit fear raise our heart rate, which the brain stores as information that might protect us from future danger. This so-called negativity bias makes us prone to paying more attention to bad news than to good. We readily remember bad things that happen because our brains also release hormones that strengthen those specific memories, and this further embeds them in our minds. The result? More stress.

FATIGUE While a number of body organs (eg, the heart and the kidneys) can keep going like the Energizer bunny, the brain isn’t one of them. After working hard, it needs rest. The more boring and intense an activity is, the faster your brain will grow tired – and that can happen in as little as four minutes, or as much as two hours. You can tell when your brain is fatigued (it has to signal this indirectly, since it has no pain receptors) because your eyes feel tired and stuff happens – you start making errors, become inefficient, lose your willpower, or see a dip in your mood. Brain fatigue leads to stress, and stress leads to fatigue, in a continuous closed loop.

“Our minds are wandering 80 per cent of the time, making us less happy as our thoughts pile up. It’s like having a huge set of open files on your

computer.”

The ‘female factor’

Stress almost seems to have it in for women.

In an annual survey by the American Psychological Association, women have repeatedly reported higher levels of tension than men and, sometimes, even more stress-related physical and emotional symptoms. These include headache, upset stomach, fatigue, irritability and also sadness. What’s more, midlife women have been found to experience more stressful events than both men and women of any other age, reports an ongoing US study on ageing.

Stress overload may even lead to chronic disease. Long-term pressures at home and work, plus stress from traumatic events, almost doubles the risk of type 2 diabetes in older women, according to a recent study at the University of California. Women are also more prone to stress-induced mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety disorders.

HERE’S THE WHY OF IT A triple whammy makes women uniquely vulnerable to strain and pressure, Dr Sood says. First, women’s brains make them more sensitive than men to stressors and a perceived lack of control. The limbic areas of women’s brains, which help control emotions and memories, are highly active, making them remember hurts and slights more readily.

Stewing over these and having difficulty letting them go strengthens the brain circuits of those negative emotions – another example of the negativity bias at work – also increasing women’s stress.

In addition, the multiple demands of parenting and being in charge of the wellbeing of the household mean that women’s focus tends to be more diffuse. And an unfocused brain, as noted earlier, is another source of stress. A mum’s protective radar is always up for her kids too, which makes her sense a threat more quickly, and she’s more likely than her husband to get stuck and dwell on it, Dr Sood says.

What men don’t always get

The differences in how men and women experience tension don’t play out in isolation, of course. They affect how husbands and wives, friends and work colleagues experience and interpret the world – and yes, often the result is conflict. If you’re a woman, think of a time you had an upsetting disagreement with your boss. When you vented to your husband about it – how your boss looked at you, what she said, how you responded, how you felt, what she said next – maybe you saw his eyes glaze over, and maybe he said, “It’s over now. Why don’t you just let it go and talk to her tomorrow?” Which made you feel hurt, angry and dismissed – and depending on which feeling was uppermost, you either escalated the conversation into an argument or retreated to mull it over.

New studies are looking at how the genders process stress in the moment and coming up with reasons for the disconnect. Recently, using MRI to measure brain activity, researchers have found that while imagining a personalised, highly stressful event, the action and planning-oriented parts of men’s brains were actively engaged, while women’s brains were busy visualising and also cognitively and emotionally processing the experience.

In the second part of the study, when men and women were experiencing intense anxiety, brain regions that were active in women were inactive in men. This suggests that women tend to get caught up in processing their stress, turning it over and over in their minds and reimagining it, says psychiatrist and neuroscientist, Dr Rajita Sinha. “Women cope by talking about being anxious and describing their emotions and stressors,” she says.

This could put them at risk for ruminating about the issues. Men seem not to access that cognitive-processing part of their brains and

“are more likely to quickly think about doing something, taking an action, as opposed to expressing their distress verbally. It’s just the difference in the way we’re wired.”

So... HOW DO YOU GET THE RESPONSE ? YOU WANT WHEN YOU NEED IT

Ask your partner to just listen. “That’s number one – listening to and validating the other person’s feelings,” Dr Sinha says. “So even just saying, ‘You’re really frustrated by this,’ in a nonjudgemental way is validating and will ease someone’s anxiety.”

Explain that you feel defensive when he dismisses

your experience. “When a partner downplays the significance of something, the person who’s stressed may hold onto it more or freel they have to convince the other person it’s true,” psychologist, Dr Jennifer Priem, says. “You might say, ‘I’m really upset right now, and I feel frustrated when it seems you’re making light of my feelings. It would make me feel better if you’d be more responsive to the fact that I’m upset, even if you don’t understand it.’ ”

Treat yourself with

compassion. “Women tend to be more self-critical about not being able to control their emotions,” Dr Sinha says. So they may see a partner’s comment as judgemental, even when he didn’t mean it that way. If that’s the case, hug it out, which can reduce tension and boost positive feelings.

Learning to negotiate conflicts is a big step in easing pressures. The payoff for taking stress in your stride is better health, greater happiness and a more resilient brain.