How to keep your cool

Guilty of blowing your top at just about everything? It might be time to find some healthy ways to restore your inner calm.

Fast to get furious? Climb out of that temper trap with these pro solutions.

Studies show that, in extreme cases, angry outbursts can trigger heart attacks and strokes in the hours afterwards.

Fromirritation and frustration to powerlessness and anger, all manner of emotions pay people a visit at one time or another. “Anger is often the feeling on top of the iceberg, under which all the other feelings sit,” says psychotherapist Deborah Maloney-Marsden. “Emotions left unprocessed often bubble up, resulting in an eruption of rage.” If this sounds familiar to you, help is here. There’s much you can do to tame your tetchiness – you just need to understand your button-pushers.

Can’t calm down?

Try: CONSCIOUS BREATHWORK

This can be a real shortcut to peace and self-control and it’s not just a stopgap solution – practised regularly, it can bring long-term emotional gains.

WHY SO GOOD?

The way you react when things get jumpy is down to which part of your brain is in charge: emotional or rational. “Your brain is hardwired to respond with emotions,” says Melike Hussein, a mindfulness teacher and breath coach. “This is why it’s so easy to get triggered by the slightest thing. The good news is that you can control this evolutionary mechanism.”

WHERE TO START?

With small steps, recommends Melike. “Consistency is key. Start simple and practise often, and slot them into your day, especially just before anything you find stressful.”

Try this clever blend of breathing and mindfulness when needed:

● Take a slow, deep breath through the nose (for five seconds).

● Breathe out through the mouth with pursed lips (as if blowing out a candle). Repeat twice more or as needed.

● Now turn your focus to your body and any physical sensations. Where do you feel them? How do they feel?

● Continue to observe the sensation for a few more moments. Take a slow, deep inhale and let go with a relaxed exhale.

“This exercise is all about allowing the rational brain to analyse the situation and respond (or not) accordingly,” says Melike.

Absolutely FURIOUS?

Try: JOURNALING

How many times have you hit ‘send’ on a ranting email, post or tweet and then regretted it a few hours later? Tame your inner rage by switching to a more low-tech way of venting: a nice pen and journal.

WHY SO GOOD? “Because the difference between a journal and a tweet is the difference between reflecting and reacting,” explains author and journaling expert Tzivia Gover.

“In a journal, you reflect in a private medium that’s just for you. It takes time to compose an entry and then you’re done; you close the book – literally. With emails, tweets and social media posts, it’s all too easy to hit send. I like to say: “Keep a journal and keep your friends.” That’s because a journal is a place to pause so that what you then say to a single person or your social media audience is considered and comes from a mature and healthy place.”

WHERE TO START? Don’t overthink this. Simply pick up a pen and journal or notebook. If that blank page feels a little daunting, follow these easy first steps from Tzivia:

● Set a daily goal to make the habit stick. Try five to 10 minutes for a couple of weeks. Anchoring your practice to something else (morning coffee, afternoon tea or pre-bed) will help make it part of your daily routine.

● Keep entries simple. Write down three interesting things you did over the past 24 hours and how you felt about them.

● Forget perfection. It’s okay to miss a day (or several!) and you don’t need immaculate handwriting or spelling. Remember, you can’t fail at this. The pages are there whenever you want to reconnect.

● Still stuck? The main thing is to make journaling work for you. So blow off steam, make gratitude lists, describe dreams, even cut out and stick in inspirational quotes. “Studies show that when you write about something that has happened in detail, as well as how you felt, it helps to heal your emotions, encouraging personal growth,” says Tzivia.

Ready to BLOW?

Try: AN EASY EXERCISE

Step away from what irritates you and try this no-sweat move from energy healing expert Madison King.

STRETCH

your hands over your head, arms straight, fists clenched, wrists crossed.

BREATHE OUT,

bringing hands down quickly and with force, uncrossing and taking them out to the side of your thighs with fingers now outstretched. While doing this, imagine a line that runs down the centre of your body. Picture this line opening up and spilling out any pent-up anger onto the floor. Breathe out any fury at the same time.

REPEAT

three times. Finish by slowly picturing the line closing back up again, so that no more anger can get under your skin!

Bottled-up anger disrupts the normal balance of the stress hormone cortisol, leading to a weakened immune system.

Let's talk it over

Anger problems don’t need to be serious to warrant professional help. Seeing a therapist can simply become part of a self-care regimen.

HYPNOTHERAPY

When you’re stressed, cortisol and adrenaline flood your body. “It’s no wonder you’re feeling on edge – it’s the body’s way of releasing those hormones,” says hypnotherapist Nicolette Pinkney.

WHY SO GOOD? Hypnotherapy isn’t just for phobias. “It can help with a huge variety of issues,” says Nicolette. “I’ve seen an increasing number of clients with feelings of anxiety, lack of control, anger, frustration… the list goes on.”

WHAT HAPPENS? Hypnotherapy uses the state of hypnosis, but don’t worry! “Similar to daydreaming, it’s safe and natural,” reassures Nicolette. “A hypnotherapist will guide you into this comfortable state simply by talking to you.” Once you’re relaxed, they’ll communicate with your unconscious mind to help bring about change. These changes in your thoughts are retained once you come out of hypnosis.

HOW FAST DOES IT WORK? “Often just a few sessions are required to allow clients to feel back in control,” says Nicolette. “A deep-seated reason for your stress or anger may need more work, but even then, it’s rare for anyone to need more than five or six sessions,” she adds.

PSYCHOTHERAPY

This psychological intervention may seem like a radical therapy for your rising temper, but, as with hypnotherapy, it works on many levels. “Psychotherapy isn’t just for people in crisis,” says psychotherapist Deborah Maloney-Marsden.

WHY SO GOOD? “Seeing a therapist helps you understand why you may be reacting angrily and what other issues may need to be processed,” says Deborah. “Just one hour a week can help to release so much of what you end up holding internally.”

WHAT HAPPENS? Typically, sessions are at the same time every week. “It’s a space dedicated to the client, where they’re truly heard – a space where their journey is seen,” explains Deborah. “We may move from past to present to future, and look at new tools to support the client in where they are now.”

HOW FAST DOES IT WORK? It varies according to the individual. “Long-term in-depth psychotherapy is a commitment, but many want short-term counselling, where they can focus on a specific issue,” says Deborah. “The key is that it’s based around a client’s specific needs.”