Beat the blah: recharge your emotional batteries

You might be languishing. If you feel like you’re going through the motions and don’t really have a sense of purpose, you’re not alone. The good news is, there are easy ways to recharge your emotional batteries.

Treading water. Feeling meh. Coasting. We all have different ways to describe the feeling that psychologists refer to as languishing. “When you’re in this state, you feel like you’re stagnating – life is a bit aimless and joyless,” says organisational psychologist Adam Grant, author of Think Again. “You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not at the peak of mental health either.” If you think about the spectrum of mental health, flourishing is the peak of your wellbeing, when life has a strong sense of meaning. At the other end is depression, where you feel drained and worthless. And somewhere in the middle, says Adam, is languishing. This might play out in different ways: you struggle to focus, or don’t feel motivated, or would rather not see friends. “It appears to be more common than depression and may be a bigger risk factor for mental illness,” says Adam. Here’s how to ensure that dull ache doesn’t escalate.

Get perspective

It’s worth noting that even as the global pandemic starts to ease, languishing is normal. Faced with uncertainly, our brain’s threatdetection system goes into high alert. We enter a state of fight-or-flight until we adjust to the new normal. In the case of the past year, that means as we began to understand how to protect ourselves better and our work shifted to home, the anguish went … and languishing began. “When the world is at a standstill, it’s normal to feel as if your life is not moving forward,” says Adam. But this is also a state we can find ourselves in any time we lose our sense of control, such as a relationship breaking down, a death in the family or a job loss.

Assess yourself

Part of the problem with languishing, says Adam, is that it’s easy to plateau without noticing. “Languishing lurks beneath the surface,” he says. You might not see that you feel less delighted when things happen, or that your ambition isn’t what it was. “When you can’t see your own suffering, you don’t seek help or even do very much to help yourself,” he says.

So how do you know if a state of languishing applies to you? Some simple questions might help: Do you wake up ready to start the day or would you prefer to roll over and go to sleep? Do you feel a sense of purpose? Does your life have a sense of meaning? Do you feel happy, even if only some of the time each day?

If your sense of wellbeing could be greater, the simplest ways to take steps towards flourishing is to own the feeling. Next time someone asks, “How are you?”, use the words that match you right now. “I’m languishing,” you might say. “One of the best strategies for managing our emotions is to name them,” says Dr Jodie Lowinger, a clinical psychologist and founder of the Sydney Anxiety Clinic. “It’s the beginning of moving through something, rather than feeling stuck.”

Time travel

Big celebrations might lift your spirits, but they’re few and far between. Fortunately, research shows that celebrating the little things is good for your sense of wellbeing. This is something psychologists call “savouring” – which is simply the practice of extending our sense of enjoyment. Whether you’re sharing small victories that happen at work or with children, or just appreciating an activity (like a long, hot soak), it can improve your sense of wellbeing. “Small wins are enough to create momentum,” says Adam.

Another way to practise this technique is to reflect back on something pleasant or joyful that happened recently (go further back if you like – studies show that reflecting on happy childhood memories boosts wellbeing, too). Think about and try to recreate the positive emotions you felt around that time – reflect on the people, sounds, smells, physical sensation – and hold onto what feels good. The more time you spend savouring, the better you will get at recruiting positive feelings from the past and benefiting from them in the present.

Study history

“I’ve seen many people struggle to manage languishing, in part because they’re treating this as a unique situation,” says Adam. Sure, we haven’t been through such an impactful pandemic before (unless you’re 103 years old), but Adam insists that most of us will have languished. “Think back to those moments – what helped you break out of the funk?” he says. "You can learn lessons from your own past resilience.”

Another thing that can help, he says, is to find someone who’s languishing and give them advice. “Research reveals that giving advice boosts your confidence and gives you some distance from your own problems,” Adam explains. “The advice you give to others is usually the advice you need to take for yourself.”

Act daily

Question: what do you look forward to each day? Researchers have found that flourishing, for the most part, comes from daily routines that create small moments of meaning or connection. That might be working on a new skill, reaching out to friends, or even trying a five-minute meditation. Adam suggests keeping a daily journal. “Experiments have shown listing three things that you accomplish every day – or even three moments of joy each day – is enough to elevate your energy,” he says. “It doesn’t just help you savour those moments; it also enables you to learn from them and create more of them.”

Adam has also found in his own research that it makes a difference to see how you make a difference. “Even meeting one person who you’ve helped can be enough to strengthen the sense that you matter,” he explains – noting that, ultimately, it’s not realistic to be happy every minute of every day. “Sometimes languishing just needs to pass through you.”