YOU'VE GOT QUESTIONS? SHE'S GOT ANSWERS (BUT YOU PROBABLY WON'T LIKE THEM)

Wise Ayi, do you have any traditional tips for healthy eating? I already drink only sugar-free drinks and stay away from fat, carbs, gluten, and red meat.

Healthy Cathy

You spoiled brats with (ch7um1obing, bad habits)! Do you know how hard I had to work on the farm to get a measly bowl of (m@f3n, rice) when I was young? All we knew back then was (r9n sh# ti0, f3n sh# g`ng, people are iron, food makes them steel)! We ate anything we could get our hands on. Now your lazy, idle generation has nothing better to do but (ti`of9i ji2nsh7u, pick the best for oneself); you haven’t (ch~k^, “eaten bitter,” endured hardship) for a single day! It’s true,

(b2oh3n b& zh~ -h3n j~, “the well-fed don’t know the pain of the starving”). You want tips? Try the traditional Daoist practice of (b#g^, “eliminate grain,” to stop eating entirely and live solely on the qi of the universe). According to legend, this can make you immortal!

Help! My retired mom is clearly addicted to her phone, watching short videos of family dramas and livestreams of folk songs all day long. Now she thinks she can be a web celebrity, too! What should I do?

Worried Wong

Why don’t you leave her to it! It’s clear that any virtual family life is more (j~ngc2i, exciting) than the one you are involved in. You heartless (b1iy2nrl1ng, “white-eyed wolf,” ungrateful person)! She didn’t (x~nx~nk^k^, take great pains) raising you to have you (p4l0ngshu@, “pour cold water on,” discourage) her. What’s the big deal with livestreaming anyway? In fact, I recently opened my own video channel, showing all my 43 (zh4ngsh! f0ns~, devoted fans) my every meal. There’s even one handsome young man who sent me a message, saying he wanted to come to see me, his “亲爱的大姐 (q~n'3i de d3ji0, dear big sister).” I haven’t heard from him since I transferred him some (l&f-i, travel expenses), but I’m sure he’s just busy with work at the moment. Anyway, give your mom a

break, she deserves it!

Got questions for our Agony Ayi? Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com