HONEY, WHAT’S FOR DINNER?

Most will agree that the way to someone’s heart is through the stomach. And yet, the significance of food in a relationship is ever shifting. Beyond first date meals and anniversary dinners, Destin Tay muses on the passage of love and food.

The power of food on the memory can’t be understated; even more so when prepared by a loved one. There’s a reason why the first thing most immigrants think of when homesick is food prepared by family. No matter your place of origin, there will always be a meatloaf, curry, bakso, or laksa recipe that holds a special place in your heart. Even after these older generations have passed on, the slightest taste or sniff of something similar can bring back warm memories of love-filled food.

Food memories are arguably the same even after our formative years. Ask most couples about their first significant memory and you’ll usually get first date stories or how they first met. And more often than not, the former will always have some element of food in them. Take myself for example. I brought my girlfriend out on a movie date to The Projector, and we spent hours after speaking about our shared love for cinema over a steaming bowl of pho from the nearby Mrs. Pho. I can’t help but recall her favourite films she mentioned that night whenever I taste a good beef broth now, and it never fails to make me smile. I reckon most couples have similar experiences, be it a grandiose multi-course dinner to impress or a humble meal at the neighbourhood food court. It’s no wonder that googling ‘best first date spots in Singapore’ churns out roughly 78 million results (with listicles as far as the eye can see).

As the relationship progresses and the novelty of discovering new dating spots fades away, the role of food certainly shifts a little. Of course there’s still the inevitable fancy anniversary dinner, but most meals become a little – for lack of a better word - stagnant. As you and your partner get more and more comfortable with each other, meals usually take the back seat as impressing your partner becomes less of a necessity. It’s sobering, but there’re still ways to forge heartening memories. A favourite of mine is cooking together (read about our kitchen adventures on page 76), and you don’t need to be particularly adept in your culinary skill. Pick a simple recipe to try, and help each other out in the kitchen. For those who are a bit more proficient, a great date idea is to head to your local wet market or specialty grocer, and pick out the freshest ingredients you can find to make your very own mystery box. It’s a fun challenge, and there’s no better way to commemorate your relationship than by crafting your own recipes that are unique to the two of you.

And finally, if you’ve made it this far, comes the final hurdle.

Life together. Gone are the days of romanticism, replaced by the mundane routine of daily life. Unless you’re one of the lucky few to be blessed with a liberal work schedule, it’s highly unlikely that either of you will have the time to do any lavish cooking. Meals become the in-between of working life and housework. It’s made even harder when kids eventually become part of the equation. Forget three-hour brunches and elaborate tasting menus; you’d be lucky to get time off to sit down for a cup of artisanal coffee. It’s all fretting if the kids are getting enough to eat, are there enough fruits in the house, or if they are getting the necessary nutrients. It will be daunting.

But is that really reason enough to stop injecting love into food?

Living together should be even more of a reason to discover what food means to each other. After all, the both of you have had a lifetime to understand each other’s palates. Take the time to mix up your daily meals with dishes or recipes that will add pep to each other’s steps. Even better still, why not recreate your first meal together? Everyone needs a reminder every now and then of what brought the two of you together. Make cooking a priority, rather than a necessity. And when your kids are old enough, you can start working on creating their first food memories as well. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.