Your not-so-secret single behaviour

Bad dates, disastrous DMs and everything in between…

He was a comedian (supposedly) but his chat was mostly just oversharing details of all the threesomes he’d had. As I went to leave, he grabbed my foot and said he’d love to lick it.

LIZZIE, 36 I’m about to file a complaint to Spotify for not making you their “hottest single of the week”. “I matched with a guy on Tinder and this was the first message he sent. You just know he’s copy-and-pasting that one relentlessly.” Taty, 25

A guy I’d been speaking to for a week (who I hadn’t made plans to meet) messaged saying, “It’s a shame this fizzled out”… because I didn’t reply for one day. He’s now blocked me.

DONNAY, 31

He parked outside a house to tell me how proud he was of the plastering job he’d done on it. We sat there for 15 minutes.

LAUREN, 28

She asked if I’d seen the film Hot Rod. When I said no, she stopped replying and updated her bio to say she didn’t want to talk to people who hadn’t seen it.

MARK, 36

After he sent me hundreds of texts in one day, I saw on Facebook that he was on holiday with his wife and child.

EMMA, 46 Is that bikini pic to show off your only real assets or because you actually think you look good?

First one

I’ve got absolutely nothing going on in this empty head of mine “I made a joke about his Hawaiian shirt and he sent this…” Lillie, 20

On our date, he said he fancied my mate and asked to use my Instagram to stalk her because her page was private.

CHLOE, 23