The wine writer’s lot: (real) life in Provence

Naively, we thought that life in Provence would be broadly similar to life in London – but there were certainly a few ways in which it surprised us, and many things we learned along the way. Here are just some that may ease your way if you opt to make a similar move

■ Lessons learned When conversing with a stranger, particularly in a formal situation, you cannot be too polite. If the need arises to strike up a conversation with someone you have never met, you cannot simply start with ‘excuse me mate...’ and expect a civil response.

In English, words have a specific, correct spelling. Not in French however; river names can have multiple spellings, and people are unbearably easygoing about capitalisation, hyphenation and accents. Grammar geeks, run for the hills.

In English, you can often use a variety of words and sentence structures to express yourself in different ways. In French, it is somewhat less liberal – often there is a correct verb for a given circumstance, and if you do not use this verb, you will see the pained dissatisfaction on people’s faces.

■ Local business Social capital is important. People are keen to share their recommendations, and insist that you pass on the fact that it was they who did the referring. In the UK, the customer is king. Not in Provence. Rather than actively marketing themselves, successful businesses sometimes have an unofficial client list, and might not want your custom, thanks very much. Unless you are referred by a current client (whom they like).

Many businesses or public facilities keep their own idiosyncratic opening hours. No standard 9-to-5 here. And they might simply not be open when they’re meant to be. Almost all businesses close for a period between 12pm and 3.30pm each day. As an Englishman, it is impossible to get used to this in just two years.

GP surgeries are more like offices, compared to the medical facilities they are in the UK. If you need to, consulting a pharmacist is the first port of call.

Even the smallest village will have a proliferation of hair salons, but barber shops essentially don’t exist.

■ Accommodation If you don’t already live in France, renting a property is confounding. You will need a full dossier of paperwork to meet with an estate agent, including certain documents that are unique to French citizens – which, therefore, you will not possess.

Many Provençal houses do not have effective heating systems, and despite the icy winters they are not always well insulated. Some of my Wines of the Rhône book was written wearing a scarf and woolly hat indoors, my breath clouding in front of the laptop.

■ Travel Car drivers consider stopping at pedestrian crossings to be entirely optional. Those on foot are considered equal to stray dogs and pigeons.

Fast trains, otherwise known as TGVs, are brilliant, but local trains and buses tend to be woefully inadequate. As a result, everybody drives a car. If you live in a village, life without one is unimaginable. Taxis are outrageously expensive.

It is still commonplace to encounter a toilet that is not fitted with a toilet seat – in many a motorway service station, you can still find the dreaded hole-in-the-ground.

■ Food & drink Restaurants only serve lunch and dinner for a tight, specific slot of time. Come either side of this, and you’ll be laughed out of the building.

The seasonality of fruit and vegetables is common knowledge. At the start of any given season – say apricots – they will be expensive. At the end, people will be selling off trays of them at knock-down prices. Buying certain fruits or vegetables out of season is often simply not possible.

Everyone knows which village makes the best of any particular foodstuff. Regardless of background, no one thinks twice about spending big on decent cheese. The coffee is pitifully inadequate and takeaway barely exists. And French kettles are terrible and not built for English requirements: at one stage we got through three kettles in three months.