“Dad’s funeral was small and it hurts”

ALouisa, 43

Losing a parent is tough at any age, but more so when you can’t have an arm around your shoulders or sit with another person in silence for comfort. Science shows that we sense other people’s emotions and touch soothes us.

I talked to Alison Thomas at the bereavement charity Cruse, who felt that you might be at an age when it’s particularly important to share your grief with your peers – friends who knew your dad and maybe shared some of the same stories.

It’s understandable that you feel robbed of the rituals that help us see death in the context of our common humanity, but it’s never too late to create your own. These might be planting a tree, going to a place that was special to him or writing a letter that you tie to a balloon and release. Could you start planning a sports event for the future to celebrate his life?

If you need help taking the first step, there’s a free chat service available, where a bereavement counsellor will respond live weekdays between 9am and 9pm. In the words the Queen made famous: grief is the price we pay for love.

My father died recently after battling cancer for a couple of years. He played sport all his life and had loads of friends but we weren’t able to have a proper funeral because of Covid restrictions – just a few people and nothing like the send-off I imagined. I feel cheated about not being able to mourn him properly. How can I deal with this?

griefchat.co.uk