“My brother doesn’t want me in his life any more”

Award-winning coach Kim Morgan mentors a woman who is heartbroken and bewildered over a family split and needs to free herself from her pain

“He won’t tell me why he cut me out and it’s tearing me apart”

Rachel* was a gentle and warm woman in her mid-50s who had an air of quiet confidence. She was a GP in a small practice and loved her work. After our introductions, I asked her: ‘What brings you here?’

‘I’m embarrassed to even say this, but my brother doesn’t want anything to do with me. I didn’t think this would ever happen in my family. We had a wonderful upbringing. I can’t think of anything that has occurred to cause this, and he won’t give me any explanation. It is destroying me! I have tried everything to resolve the situation – from pleading and begging, sending cards and letters and suggesting that we have mediation to losing my temper with him

– but nothing changes his mind. I am desperate and sad and I don’t seem to have any power to change the situation,’ said Rachel in despair.

I waited patiently as Rachel broke down and sobbed inconsolably. I could only offer her my attention and care, a box of tissues and a glass of water.

I told Rachel that I had worked with clients in similar situations, and I recognised the hurt, confusion and powerlessness that came with it.

Rachel was reassured a little and explained further: ‘I feel like a leper – as though people are looking at me and wondering what I did to cause this rift. It’s an isolating experience. I have also lost my nephews and niece. Nobody is prepared to intervene on my behalf – they don’t want to get involved. I feel so alone.’

Rachel looked at me woefully and asked: ‘What can

I do? Is there something that I haven’t thought of that would help?’ I told Rachel that I could offer her a confidential and safe space for her to hear herself speak about her feelings and circumstances out loud and, that way, perhaps she would generate more options for herself.