THE SELF-COMPASSION CURE

Learn why it is essential to be kind to yourself and address your feelings in order to feel confident and sociable again

It’s easy to attack yourself for the changes you may be experiencing, but not very helpful. Research shows that practising self-compassion instead and looking after yourself releases calming hormones that interrupt the fight, flight or freeze response that’s been activated by the pandemic [see page 62]. Develop self-compassion by noticing and managing your inner critic.

Validate your feelings by writing a compassionate letter to yourself that understands and accepts a problem or unwanted situation. Describe why you feel disappointed, hurt or angry and show sensitivity and awareness of where those feelings may be coming from. Try to avoid offering solutions, as often this is where your inner critic, acting as a driver, reactivates itself.

Research also suggests – and this too is linked to self-compassion – that developing an appreciative mindset can rewire a brain in threat. At the end of every day, tell yourself two things that you appreciated or valued about yourself, and one or two things that you appreciated or valued about the day or other people. Do this every day and you will notice a change in your outlook.

“Validate your feelings by writing a compassionate letter to yourself that understands and accepts a problem”