MAKE A FRESH START AT WORK

If you break out in a cold sweat at the idea of relentless workplace mingling, take your chance to reinvent the way you do things

Turn concerns about office mingling into an opportunity to reinvent the way you do things for a happier work life

FOR MANY OF US, THE LONG STRETCH where we were required to ‘work from home where you can’ is being replaced by at least a partial return to the workplace. But, if you are feeling socially awkward and anxious, or if the return to normality feels too abrupt, this can create stress.

‘First and foremost, don’t be too hard on yourself. Now is a good time to be honest with your boss – they have a responsibility for your health and wellbeing,’ advises

Amy Perrin, founder of the charity Marmalade Trust. She suggests that you take a proactive stance and brainstorm ideas about how to make things easier. Are there shifts you could work that might mean fewer people, for example? Could you arrange to work alongside colleagues with whom you get along best?

‘Don’t feel ashamed about having these conversations. Explain that the return to work has made you feel nervous and they should give you some leeway to make positive changes,’ says Perrin.

For most people, the apprehension about going back into the workplace is due to our brain fearing the unknown. ‘You might be telling yourself “I’m not ready!” but, in reality, the moment you’re there chatting to your co-workers with a coffee, the anxiety will simply evaporate,’ says psychologist Sophie Mort. ‘Address your initial anxiety by telling yourself that it will be OK.’

However, if you are feeling truly overwhelmed, it’s time to make some tough choices. ‘If you are suddenly faced with a jam-packed calendar of face-to-face meetings, lunches and get-togethers at work, it is sensible to prioritise,’ says Mort. ‘There are some things we probably can’t avoid, such as lunch with the boss, but not all things are going to be as important. If you’ve got five events, do the lunch, but reschedule the meetings to different weeks if you can, and cancel the birthday drinks. In short, move the negotiable things and attend to the non-negotiables.’

It’s important to be realistic and not expect everything to be solved at once. ‘When you feel a sense of social threat, chances are that you will be hypersensitive to others and their reactions to you,’ says Nelisha Wickremasinghe, author of Being With Others. Now is the time to practise self-compassion. ‘We are still in the midst of uncertainty. Caution, pacing ourselves and saying no when required is the right response. Trust your intuition.’

But what if we are desperate to get back into the swing of things and can’t wait for awaydays and celebrations that enliven our workplace connections? For many, particularly those living alone, work is a vital source of interaction. While those people will be keen to resume normal play, they should ease back into it and not fall into the trap of people pleasing and forgetting their own needs.

However, says Wickremasinghe: ‘The “swing of things” may not have been that healthy for some people in the first place.’ She believes that a reluctance to go back to previous levels of socialising is a sign that people yearn to do things differently. ‘That’s a positive and healthy thing! Reviewing the meaning and purpose of our life and changing direction is a sign of maturity.’

Now is the perfect time to review how and why we socialise and apply some of the new habits and insights from lockdown, be that taking more time to be with yourself or getting comfortable with JOMO – the joy of missing out.

“Caution, pacing ourselves and saying no when required is the right response”