Break With Tradition

Preconceptions are challenged in this amusing short story by Patsy Collins.

NEXT is Antonia Blossom’s B&B. Do we grant her the Norton-onSea Traditional Hospitality Rosette?” the chairman asked.

“Absolutely not!” was the opinion of Muriel Bainbridge, proprietor of Sea View guest-house and holder of a bronze rosette. “There’s very little that’s traditional about her place.

“Clocks show different times; she uses plastic tablecloths and floor mats.

“Weeds grow in the lawn, and there’s not a begonia or marigold in sight.

“Instead of an ornamental pond, she’s got sheds that are no use to anyone – and she serves strange food!”

Muriel’s face was puce by the time she’d completed her outburst.

It clashed with the pink French fancies that had been her contribution to the refreshments, which were in a pyramid on a doily-covered plate.

Muriel’s place was traditional, all right.

Knitted ladies adorned toilet rolls on each avocado cistern. Each bed had a crochet throw, every light a frilled shade.

Every wall, carpet, sofa and tablecloth sported a different pattern: floral and flock, chintz and tartan, paisley and gingham, hounds-tooth and polka dots, stripes and swirls.

China ducks were in flight over one lounge wall, while Constable’s “The Hay Wain” hung opposite.

Porcelain shepherdesses and cute china dogs graced the plentiful shelves.

There wasn’t a scrap of plastic or undecorated space in the entire establishment.

The landlord of the Royal Oak, holder of a gold rosette, spoke next.

“Antonia’s place isn’t traditionally decorated, but she’s hospitable. She’s always full out of season, and has repeat visitors.”

Antonia advised guests to have dinner in the Royal Oak and often popped in for a drink herself.

The landlord helped himself from the platter of sandwiches he’d brought.

“She’s not against traditional seaside entertainment,” the owner of the crazy golf course said.

They would decide on his rosette after the completion of the tea room he was having built. He’d supplied the tea for the meeting.

“Lots of guests come to me on her recommendation and she tells them how well stocked the local shops are.”

Various shopkeepers acknowledged this, and spoke in Antonia’s favour.

“She’s public spirited,” the vicar added. “She always volunteers a raffle prize for our fund-raising events.”

He gave pointed looks at those amongst the committee who had to be prompted into being equally obliging.

“Her unusual donations are often the first things to go,” the director of the local theatre pointed out.

He should know, as he often tried to win them as props.

Antonia always displayed his posters and was responsible for a large proportion of ticket sales.

She organised refreshments, too, assisting the theatre in gaining its silver rosette.

“I’m not saying she’s a bad person,” Muriel mumbled.

“I only know what her place is like because she let me stay there when I’d overbooked and had to give up my own room.

“That was very generous of her; anyone else would have taken the paying guests instead.” Muriel’s blush deepened.

“But the rosettes are for traditional hospitality, not niceness.”

There was a lull as everyone digested Muriel’s words.

The chairman cleared his throat.

“We need an independent assessment. My cousin and her family are visiting soon. I’ll ask them to stay at Antonia’s anonymously to see what they think of the place.”

A month later, the committee met again and the chairman gave his cousin’s feedback.

“Everything is as Muriel observed during her brief stay – almost. The clocks are set at different times, but there’s a note by each saying if it’s UK time, European or Canadian.”

“I did see signs,” Muriel admitted. “I had to rush off each morning, so didn’t have time to read them. Do you know why she does it?”

“Guests frequently ask what the time is in different countries, so they know when to call home.

“There’s a reason for the plastic tablecloths and floor mats, too. They’re used in a special area for children.”

“Oh.” Muriel rarely had guests under the age of fifty. “What about her strange sheds?”

“They’re mini beach huts for pets – anything from guinea pigs to donkeys.

“She has an area reserved to let dogs and other creatures out for a run.”

“That’ll be the reason for the weeds, I suppose,” Muriel suggested.

“That’s the wildflower meadow. Her garden’s full of native plants, butterflies and birds.

“As for the strange food, that’s explained by the fact that she caters for those with special dietary needs.”

“Even so,” Muriel said, “her place isn’t a traditional guest-house and therefore shouldn’t be awarded a Norton-on-Sea Traditional Hospitality Rosette.”

Reluctantly the others agreed that she had a point. Muriel continued.

“I propose we create a new category of individual welcome, and award Antonia a rosette. A gold one.”

The proposal was accepted unanimously.

Did Antonia’s B&B deserve the same rosette as everyone else?

The End.