Friends, not food
When I made the decision to be vegan it was friends, not food, that I found the most challenging. Reading labels, considering my nutritional needs, was new, required attention, effort, and some adjusting. However, it was the response of family and friends that I found the most challenging. Suddenly feeling like an outsider, the lack of understanding which ranged from ‘What are you going to eat?’ and ‘What are we going to feed you?’ to ‘Why can’t you just be a vegetarian?’.
My diet of surplus food has had similar responses over the years from those close to me — I’ve been called a ‘cheapskate’ and had to explain my choices on more than one occasion.
Whenever we make a decision or embark on a journey, which is seemingly outside of the norm, it can spark curiosity, interest and ignorance, as others weigh up whether you have seen the light, or wonder if the light is the doctor’s torch who’s examining you for signs that you’ve finally lost it.
We are such relational beings that the thoughts, feelings and support of those close to us carries huge weight, and influence; humans strive to belong, be part of a group. And it is generally those close to us that feel comfortable enough to offer their unsolicited views, share their opinions and can get away with it being passed off as friendly banter, concern or care.
But as the saying goes, ‘First they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win’. I’m still in the minority amongst friends and family being vegan, and eating oranges discarded in the street (okay, the latter might literally just be me, but my sister was persuaded to accept tinned tomatoes that I found dumped on my street). Now, friends and family eagerly tell me of the vegan foods that they’ve tried, meals they have made, the reductions they have found in the supermarket and the ways in which they have used up the foods that they already had at home.
We celebrated my sister’s birthday at her house recently, and there were no questions concerning my lifestyle and choices; we are far enough down the line that it is accepted that this is who I am and what I stand for. The other thing that went unsaid, but was clear to see, was actually how much influence I have had on those close to me. Vegan food dominated the birthday spread; mixed salads, rice salad, meat-free chicken nuggets, spaghetti in a tomato sauce. The three birthday cakes were all vegan; the sticky toffee pudding was even reduced, with the yellow sticker still firmly on the box. We had a choice of squirty and pouring cream; both dairyfree. We were offered containers to fill with leftovers; no food going to waste.
It’s not just birthdays which are a cause for celebration, but our relationships — the influence we have on those close to us; that others are paying attention to our choices; that their concern for us could lead to them to also being concerned about our causes, and that their teasing may be a teasing out of issues that can too carry meaning for them and the world we live in.
Becoming vegan can cause both highs and lows in relationships By Laura Gaga
“Whenever we make a decision or embark on a journey, which is seemingly outside of the norm, it can spark curiosity, interest and ignorance”
For more from Laura, follow her on Instagram @reduction_raider1
Or listen to her on episodes 2 and 16 of Vegan Life Magazine Podcast, veganlifemag.com/vegan-podcast